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    • #113175

      There is no way that he is ever going to change he has thrown my adult son out and told be I was luck he didn’t beat him up as well as throw him around the room half naked Infront of his young sister. He called me names and told me he not sure is he loves me and upset my other son he phoned his nan and grandad to come and get him because he couldn’t take it. So my question is do I tell him that I want him to go since he has given me the ultimatum of him or my son or do I do things I secret behind his back. I don’t know what’s for the best. Please any advice on leaving him would be brilliant. I can’t do this anymore.

    • #113215
      Main Moderator

      Hi Minimrs,

      I am sorry to hear how he has treated you and your son as well as how your children have witnessed the abuse. His behaviour is very worrying. How are you and your children doing now?

      You are right, he is not going to change and now is the time for you to take steps towards leaving. Only you can decide how and when to leave but there is support along the way.

      If you are in contact with your local support group then please do contact them for emotional and practical support. If not then you can find your local group via this link:

      The 24hr National Domestic Abuse Helpline is also available on 0808 2000 247 to talk through a safety plan and possible options based on your circumstances.

      Or you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (weekdays 10am – 4pm and 10am – 12pm weekends). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here:

      Leaving is the most dangerous time so please do lean on the support available. You and your children should be able to live without fear and abuse.

      Keep posting to us when you can.

      Best wishes,


    • #113224

      He’s going nowhere no matter what he says. It depends on your circumstances. If it’s your home and he has no legal right to be there then you could ask the police to remove him. If he has legal rights to be there the you could speak to a solicitor about an occupation order to have him removed. Otherwise you could look for a new property to rent for you and your children. I wouldn’t tell him what you are doing until you are all safe. You could consider asking your son to make a police report and you could do a statement to back him up. Show him you’re on his side and violence won’t be tolerated. If he’s arrested then bail could prevent him from returning. What he’s doing is child abuse. He’s ruining their self esteem and confidence.what a terrible ordeal for any child to go through. It’s humiliating bullying nasty behaviour that you need to protect your children from.

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