4th October 2021 at 10:03 am #132193phileineParticipant
I am in dire need of support. I left. I am completely alone and in a hotel and going out of my mind. I don’t want to go back, I don’t think he’d have me anyway, we haven’t spoken. I’ve never felt so bereft and alone in my life – what have I done ?? But there’s no going back.
I have a bed for tonight but after that I don’t know. Not having a home is petrifying. I have options but my mind is spinning of what to do next. I hardly slept last night, I called the Samaritans.
I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m checking out of here soon and going to try to find petrol.
4th October 2021 at 10:59 am #132196Wants To HelpParticipant
Good morning Phileine,
What have you done? You have taken the very brave steps of a lady who is taking her life back and you have taken the first step to freedom. A huge congratulations to you.
Being in an abusive relationship for years you become institutionalised. You live by a set of rules that have been given to you. Today it is like you have stepped out of prison after a very long sentence – you are free to do whatever you want, go wherever you want, but you don’t know where to start. Having freedom can be so daunting that it sometimes seems easier to go back to the regime you are familiar with.
Please Google your local domestic abuse support services and give them a call for advice about what to do next. Can you afford to stay at the hotel for a certain period of time? If not, then maybe a refuge placement for a little while could be an option. If you need some help in finding these details then maybe ask to speak to a female member of the management team at the hotel and explain why you are staying there, I’m sure they will be happy to provide you with some help and support to make phone calls.
Keep us updated on here and we will help where we can.
Wishing you the very best xx
4th October 2021 at 8:17 pm #132210Belle250Participant
I stayed in refuge… I was so scared that the first time, I didn’t make it! I ended up going on my second attempt. But the women were so welcoming and kind. It just gave me that breathing space I needed to take a moment. It was extremely overwhelming but they’re trained to handle it. They will give you the support that you need so that you don’t feel so alone.
But I agree with @ wants to help, you made the bravest decision to leave – I wasn’t that brave.
Call women’s aid and they will help and please update us xx
6th October 2021 at 8:36 am #132231SurvivingandstrugglingParticipant
You have done the best thing for YOU!
I promise it will get better and easier if you choose to stick to your decision.
Unfortunately it will only get worse if you go back, he will gain more power over you’re return and will use it to abuse you more, in the long run you’d regret going back even if you do eventually get out.
When my ex literally (detail removed by moderator) I thought that was it for me and I left, he begged for me back and after(detail removed by moderator) I gave in. (Detail removed by moderator) he raped me and the physical and emotional abuse only got worse as time went on. I was lucky to have help from my family to get me out for good.
Do you have any family you can trust or stay with until you get back on your feet? If not contact the police and explain what’s happened, you don’t need to officially report him if you don’t want to but they will offer you the help you currently need in your area!
Please get help, it’s so hard to ask but we tend to forget they are there for us for a reason and it’s a waste not to utilise the amazing charities that help women like us! They are trained and will never judge!
I wish you all the best, please remember we d not need men to succeed in life. No matter how much he’s manipulated you into thinking otherwise. You can do it! You’ve done the best thing and you should be very proud of yourself! You’re not alone x*x
16th October 2021 at 6:00 pm #132568brokenheartedgirl1234Participant
Its completely normal to feel awful.. it will take ages to recover but just know its better than being in an unhealthy relationship.
please contact a refuge womens aid or victims support and they can arrange accomodation for you.
do you have any friends or family to help?
just know you did an amazing thing.. leaving is the biggest step if you left him you can face anything we are all here praying for you!
17th October 2021 at 11:08 pm #132611ArielParticipant
I really hope you are ok. If you went back, make your plan for the next time. Arrange somewhere to go. I had a woman’s aid worker and I worked with her for 1 year before I left. I was slow though I was totally brainwashed for (detail removed by Moderator) years.
You can do this
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