I left him ** and he’s now on bail conditions

[MSB2024]

I left my boyfriend of (timeframe removed by Moderator) at the start of (month removed by Moderator). I was so happy and thought we were soulmates, but did wonder sometimes whether he might be emotionally abusive, and thought it was concerning how he used to slate his exes as if he was great and they were all at fault. We used to have regular fights. I ended up last summer making an enquiry to Claire’s Law to find out his history. The officer from there eventually tried to phone me back a few times, but I wasn’t ready to hear anything.

Then one night, he started to use physical violence. He stood over me and twisted my arm so painfully and forcefully behind my back with this threatening facial expression and horrible words. Then he got over me and strangled me and told me this was how he planned to kill me. I left (timeframe removed by Moderator) later and now the police are involved and I’ve been getting unbelievable support. I also finally spoke to the officer from claires law the day I left him, and she told me about his past of domestic abuse. That’s how I ended up making a report and getting all this support.

I can get my head around it, but it’s harder to get my heart around it. It’s hard to make sense of it…that I could have gotten so close to someone so abusive. Obviously he was showing his best side as much as he could, to get me hooked. It is a bit bizarre at times to think of what he did, because he’d never used physical violence with me before. Sometimes I even think to myself, ‘but what if he didn’t mean it?’ …But then I look at how he’s been since I left him. Constant harassment, not showing any real guilt or remorse. Just trying to get my attention. And I know the patterns from things I’d read before. (legal detail removed by Moderator).

I still live in fear a bit. The wonderful officer from Claire’s Law has been so supportive all along, and thinks I should see if I can get help moving somewhere of my own, as I currently just stay at my mum’s and he also comes to this area still I think, and doesn’t live that far. I don’t know what to do.

[Lisa]

Hi MSB2024,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing with us. I hope it has helped to post here to others who understand about what you have been through and how you are feeling.

It is great to hear you have had good support via Clare’s Law. If you feel further support would be beneficial then there are local domestic abuse services who can often offer ongoing emotional and practical support to explore options and help with making a plan. You can find your local service here.

You are doing brilliantly- keep posting when you can.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Author]

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