I left last night, and then went back again!

[NotCrazy]

I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship for (detail removed by Moderator) years and have been trying to get the courage to leave for the past 2.5!

Last night, after an evening of being ignored apart from when he was (gently) hitting me around the head and telling me that I was a ‘naughty girl’ who deserved a ‘wallop’. I don’t really know what to think of this as generally it does not hurt me too much. Everything confuses me so much at the moment, I forget everything as soon as it happens my mind just goes blank like I disassociate or something?

I tried to talk about the future of the relationship when we went to bed (maybe this wasn’t the right time but he is on Facebook all evening so I find it difficult to disturb him).

I tried to talk about the lack of emotions, love affection and sex, being hurt when he lies to me, cheats on me, calls me names like fat, crazy, boring etc etc. He told me that I moan all of the time and that I focus on the negative and on the past and I am miserable. I was upset and he said he just wanted to go to sleep. He kept saying horrible things, then as soon as I responded he would say in a sing song voice (which really gets to me and makes me upset and hysterical, which he KNOWS), ‘it is time to go to sleep now’.

I got up to sleep in the other room and just decided on impulse at that moment (detail removed by Moderator) to leave. I grabbed some clothes and left in the car before he could get up and stop me (in the past he has taken my keys if I try to go and has held me down), stopping at the train station around the corner. I don’t really know where I thought I was going to go. I have never rung any helpline before so it took a lot of courage. I rang the Womens Aid helpline 3 times but kept getting through to the answerphone, which I do understand as they are busy. I rang the Samaritans (116 123 if anyone needs it) and cried at them for a while about how I had nowhere to go, it was good to have someone at the end of the line but obviously they are a listening line not a domestic abuse service. There were some railway men in a van a few spaces from me and I think I was just scared and tired and went back home. He was really cold with me when I got home but just said how disappointed he was in me and how he was concerned for my safety, I was tired to went to bed and to sleep with no more talking.

I feel like at least trying to ring the helpline was a big step for me, it has taken a long time for me to get to that point. I do not know what to do anymore. He is working (detail removed by Moderator) so I will be at home with my daughters ((detail removed by Moderator), which is a whole other story!). I have been at work all day I am just so tired from very little sleep and fed up of this whole situation.

[godschild]

Keep trying womens aid or ask for a call back they are very supportive x

[Peaceful Pig]

Hi notcrazy, I can clearly remember being at that point. I remember standing on the station platform one night genuinely wondering whether to get on the next train or jump in front of it, just so desperate to get out of the relationship. It took me four years from starting to realise it was abusive. My ex was texting me pretending to be concerned and I went back because I had nowhere to go.
You have taken a big step, you just need some planning advice now. I hope you’ll keep trying the helpline and manage to get away safely before too long x*x

[Snowflakes]

Do try the helpline again. Ive left a message a few times and they have rung be back between 30 minutes to a couple of hours later. They give u a reference number so if u call back again another day they’ve got the background from last time. The ladies there are so lovely, and really helpful and knowledgable. They make you feel like you are really normal and not the only one going through this too.
Do try ringing them again. I Think they’ll really be able to help you in making a plan for yourself. They told me it’s easier to plan to leave than do it spur of the moment
Hugs
Snowflakes

[Anonymous]

You’re absolutely not crazy, sweetheart.
Your story is my story! It’s sad, cruel and unnecessary for your partner to treat you that way, and you’ll have been telling him for years it’s disrespectful, etc, and he’s probably said sometimes you’re right and agreed to change, then not, and on it goes.
I believe you can stop this, but only by getting away from him.
He won’t ever stop it. He would have done so by now if he had any intention of doing so.
I’ve spent my first night in too many years without my partner. I’ve cried but it’s ok – the lovely ladies on this forum have helped a lot, so do let us help you too.
Calling the helpline to make an escape plan is a great idea. You’re right, at midnight there’s really nowhere safe to go, but if you plan it in the daytime, there will be a bed at midnight, and someone who cares about you being happy and safe in it.
Have you got anyone you can tell? (I’ve told three friends I trust, a bit about what has happened. I had to write it down cos I get confused when I try to talk about it – find myself and/or the person listening minimising it. One friend came over for a while last eve, another guessed the night would be tough and texted around midnight to encourage me to be strong.)
Thinking of you, hoping you can find the strength to take that first step.
Take very good care of you x

[mummysgirl]

Anonymous I can totally agree with the minimizing our abuse I did the exact same kept saying Och it’s not that bad there are worse things that could happen. ..then I went to woman’s aid and she made me see exactly what he was doing to me.it’s like they kind of brain wash you into think their needs are the priority.

[Healthyarchive]

Hi NotCrazy, try reading 30 Covert Manipulation Tactics in Personal Relationships, it really helped me to break up with my mental abuser. You can read it free on Amazon X*X

[Author]

Posts