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So I have let go of the relationship. Trying so hard to stay in my routine feel so alone from it all. Sometimes I feel like calling him then I have to remind myself of the emotional and verbal abuse. I hate that I miss him so much. I feel like he doesn’t even care about me and blames me for a mistake I made I made which was finding comfort in an my xx partner.I just want to move forward but feels like my mind is taken over by the past abuse from my past and the ex partner.
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Dear Anonymous. You are doing well staying no contact despite all those feelings. I so understand you and oh how hard it is when you miss him and yet you know that it is bad for you to be in touch with him. It’s horrible. Can you delete his number or you remember it by heart?
I’ve just started my no contact but I hold onto other people’s experiences who left, who admits it was hard in the beginning, but they overcome that missing and sadness and created a good life for themselves. Every time I start missing him, I watch some domestic violence video / songs on youtube to remind myself that no contact is the best way forward. So that at least for that moment I would see him as an evil person who he is rather than a troubled individual who hurt me out of love. Maybe watching those videos would give you some comfort too? -
The feelings of ‘longing’ will pass. Just feel them and don’t act on them and these feelings will dissipate. I had to go through the ‘longing’ phase, its so hard but the only way out is through. They can’t be avoided but they will leave you eventually and possibly sooner than you think.
One Day At a Time or even Take it One Hour At a Time when feelings bad.
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Thankyou yes I have started to watch programmed on domestic violence and it is helping.
I hope he does leave as now he is sending me messages asking to let him know if I have moved on. I have not moved on but feel I don’t want to respond. Part of me thinks I should lie and say yes I have but I don’t know if that will make the situation any better or make it worse. I’m trying so hard to carry on as normal and thankyou. -
Definitely just ignore the messages, any sort of reply will communicate to him that you are still playing the game and he can manipulate you back or further abuse you. Block his number and ideally change your number. My ex tried hoovering with texts, calls, social media, emails and post so be alert for various types of hoovers, they try whatever they think will work to get us back under their control. Also save these as evidence in case you need it for the police, I did and the evidence was crucial.
It’s very typical for them to blame us for everything. They do the most horrendous things to us but somehow turn it round or find one thing we did and we end up feeling bad and apologising. It is designed to move our attention away from the abuse and blame ourselves so we can’t see clearly what they are doing to us.
It hurts so bad at first, it has taken me ages to stop feeling longing and sometimes it comes back, but throughout I always knew that I wouldn’t be safe if I went back to him. Remember that you are missing his fake persona, the mask he used to lure you in. Keep reading up on abuse and watching helpful youtube videos about it. It will help you to stay no contact and avoid abusers in the future by knowing the red flags. It is very hard but just take it all one day at a time.
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Hey yes I am keeping the messages as eveidence but he has stopped. Hopefully it will stay that way. I am taking it a day at a time just feels like I have this huge weight on my shoulders. I don’t want to fall back. It feel as though I’m falling back in to my previous relationship which he was also abusive and harassed me towards the end of the relationship. I think it’s just wanting the support from him but feels as if I’m making the wrong choice at this moment of time.
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