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i lied about rape. That (detail removed by moderator) makes me feel sick and makes me wanna kill myself
Everything happened. He locked me up and he made me pee on him. He also forced sex. But I said he forced sex more times than he did. I guess I just thought no one could hear how bad it was for me and I didn’t wanna speak about being forced to pee on him so I spoke more about the forced sex. and he forced sex many times before this date too but i was only speaking about the days he locked me up and forced this stuff but they couldn’t hear how bad it was for me on those days. It wasn’t an intentional lie and he did force sex. But I over exaggerated about those days. Not like I’m justifying my sick behaviour. I still lied in some way which makes me feel sick.
I really hate myself and this is eating me up. I’m twice as sick as him. Now deserve to be dead.
And I feel really alone. Has anyone been through similar of trauma or said similar?
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Hello lovely,
All we lovely ladies are really glad you are here and well done for being so brave and posting in the first place.I know we all have different experiences some physical abuse and some emotional. I haven’t experienced this particular thing, but I do know that when I experienced trauma – it was really bad and sometimes stil is and it is difficult to explain to someone else what it was I experienced.
All I know is that what you experienced has been difficult enough for you and would be for any human being so please be kind to yourself. Reach out for help. SARSU
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Hi,
You are at war.
Do you think he is honest and doesn’t lie?
you are protecting yourself, this is normal.
I would do the same if necessary to protect myself and kids.
Don’t blame yourself, blame him, he made you do this, you just had no choice.
What he has done is sexual abuse. All the details are not so important. -
Thank you but I feel like lying about rape is the most disgusting thing anyone can do and I don’t deserve to be breathing. And I lied in some form. and really want to be dead by the end of this week. I thought I couldn’t feel anymore disgusting with the fact of peeing on soemone. But I go and become just as disgusting. It was when i was (detail removed by moderator) and it’s only getting worse and there is no way out anymore. I don’t like being in my body. But thank you for replying
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Hi there,
Welcome to the forum. I hope you find it a supportive place to be.
As others have said this isn’t your fault. You have been through a terrible trauma and your mind is trying to process what has happened. You did not lie, the fact he hurt you does not change.
Please do speak to someone. You can call Rape Crisis or the National Domestic Violence Helpline. The DV helpline is open 24/7 and their number is 0808 2000247.
Best Wishes,
Lisa
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Hi there. You need to know that the result of trauma is the rational part of your brain closes down. Freeing up the primitive part that deals with survival to take over and keep you safe. What you did and said was out of your hands and out of your control. Please don’t let any decisions you made in trauma affect the rest of your life. You are a victim. You are compassionate and caring and honest which is something you should be proud of. You need some really good trauma therapy. Your were raped. That’s all that matters. I totally understand how you could exaggerate. I did something very similar. To me it wasn’t enough that he raped me, had to have him caught out in his lies. I deleted the evidence but looking back I was so confused. You have done nothing wrong. Nothing that any psychologist couldn’t justify. If you feel overwhelmed then please ring the rape Crisis helpline and speak to someone. You may be able to amend your statement with an explanation from a professional. It doesn’t make you bad. It just makes you a traumatised abuse victim. Hang in there. With help you can become stronger and move on to a happy healthy life. I promise it can and will get better. Keep reaching out for help. Even speak to your GP. Don’t let any guilt eat you up. It was never your fault x
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I often feel suicidal but I will never ever give him the satisfaction. Every day I walk this earth is another day he didn’t break me. You can do this by speaking to people who understand and care. Suicide is never the answer no matter how desperate you feel it’s never the answer. Apart from that you only hurt the people that do care about you. Try to find the person you were before he abused you. She is still there. Sending you big 🤗 hugs. Please reach out for,help. You can do it. You are doing it by coming on here x
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Are you sure you really lied?
As a matter of fact he raped you.
He forced you to do disgusting things.
That is what it is about.
How often it really happened does not matter, because it happened several times.
Do not be so hard on yourself.
You have been through enormous trauma.
You reported rape. Well done, because this is very difficult.
Hopefully you can speak about the details soon as this helps with his prosecution.
Please stay alive!
You are very brave!Are you safe now?
Have you contacted Rape Crisis?
Please keep posting! -
Thank you all very much
I’m safe in terms of away from abuser. But not really safe from my mind. I get support from mental healt services and start DBT tomorrow & on a waiting list for rape cousellingBut I just feel really messed up and confused. I feel really alone and this sort of trauma hasn’t happened to someone else as I’ve tried google searching it and can’t find much so feel like I did something to cause it or something wrong with me and made him into a horrible person. Defiantly is something wrong with me to lie about something so serious and I’ll be better off dead
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You are most certainly NOT better off dead, Thisismyusername. You cannot control another person, not ever. You were raped. End of. It is incredibly hard to articulate and know what questions to ask. Please keep posting here and as others have said, start on the real life support. You are doing so well to be on the list for rape counselling. It is very specialised, and it is so important I think to be believed in what so often seems like a minefield of misunderstanding. You are believed here. We are witness to things that are not our fault yet we take responsibility. It is time to start handing the responsibility back to those responsible.
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Thank you. But I had an sexual violence adviser who would ask me how I would say “no and she made it out like I give of a vibe that I wouldn’t say it properly, as come across as shy, so I think i give of vibe that says can do what like cause am an object and made him into horrible person cause I’m not as confident as others so it doesn’t matter what I say, it basically means nothing. Yet I never got why the sexual violence adviser would ask that as no means no no matter how it is said but either way I clearly should take some blame, not all cause he is disgusting but so am I. As he woudnt do it to anyone else
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Not saying No is not the same as saying, Yes Please! There are so many reactions to unwanted sex. Some people freeze, some lie there waiting for it to be over. Often we feel threatened in either psychological or physical ways. My ex used me so often as a thing. I saw a sex toy with no head, no limbs and some holes. It was the embodiment of how I so often felt with him. To him I was nothing more than a tool. I learned not to try to join in as it would ‘put him off his stroke’.
You have no control over his behaviour. I know it is easy to blame ourselves. I thought for years that it was me. I reported an historic rape and got confused with the behaviour of my ex.
It is a terrible thing to happen to anyone. I find it massive to be believed. I know that my ex would do exactly the same with a new partner. It is what he does. It is who he is.
I also found it incredibly hard to start speaking about what my ex was like. I felt ashamed and embarrassed and dirty. I had also normalised his behaviour because I wanted to believe him.
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