I lost the plot

[Woke up]

The Last night I was attacked I lost it I can’t go into details but I scared him and he has gone!! Silence and a restraining order telling me I am unwell he isn’t pressing charges he was only with me for my wellbeing and now he playing victim mode I am the evil one. I spent thousands on us he beat me so badly I have been in hospital twice. He even had the cheek to say I had no consideration for his feelings and needs and I encouraged him to drink. He is (detail removed by Moderator) what on earth is this person blaming some one else for his drink problem. He beat me once and I called police obviously did not press charges the police said I had a face like a tennis ball and he said he only with me for my welfare he was scared I hurt myself i left. Not only have I lost everything I feel I have no idea what the last (detail removed by Moderator) years have been for. I put up with the beatings fixed every thing he broke. But the verbal the name calling was so excessive. And now he has gone. Destroyed he attacked me I fight back and now I am the monster. What was it all for. This order has made me feel raped and I can’t believe he did it. Now he forgive himself and move on and I am left in bits

[Ayanna]

You need not only physically defend yourself but also verbally.

There is a history with the police of him attacking you.
Then he attacks you again and you do the correct thing and defend yourself.
Who on earth launches a restraining order against you?
How did this happen?

I know our system is misogynist and designed to kill women.
It seems you are a victim of patriarchy full on here.

Can you get legal aid and fight this?

Or did you get a solicitor’s advice?

This is sooooo wrong!!!!!

But I hope he is out of your life and you never see him again.

[Woke up]

That exactly how I have ended up being left d
Feeling. I have not contested it I just read it and in some way it had helped show me not only is h violent but everyone was right he was manipulative and a lier and a thief too. I have hospital records x rays witnesses police call logs I speak to women’s aid they have a log of my calls some from years ago so I could charge in historic abuse and he was on tag when he attacked me my last memory is his screaming I am a c**t, w***e, etc and then all I remember is my hair so much hair ripped out…. Again! This has happened maybe 5 times and that’s just hair but I keep saying if you hit me m please hit me not on my face or touch my hair. I had (detail removed by Moderator) from my past and I have got mental health problems heightened entirely by him, not only over the last (detail removed by Moderator) years has he convinced me to stop taking my Meds because of my libido he has eaten them himself.. And regretted it and probably hidden them as well but I did not need constant reminders I had mad there was no caring of my well-being. He would just get angry and impatient and then say it was my condition stressing him out. I think complete b******t now I believe at the time but now.. I am starting to believe everything was a lie and I’m trauma bonded. Maybe I should get legal advice. Maybe I can get this turned around. I have a marac apparently (detail removed by Moderator). He did not have a body map done as he knew he push me he know it’s self defense he said he remembered pulling out my hair. He got drunk blacked out and I defended myself and he remember the bits he wants too but this order has taken quite a few days yet. Maybe they know I have a marac and looking deeper or maybe I just accept it and move on as I am obviously no good to him now…. I stood up for myself and I defended myself and now I getting help and moving out of town and I want to meet someone who is just one thing xx respectful. The order was obviously designed to hurt me deeply. He even said he is scared of his own life!! How on earth did I feel the 50 plus times he stamped on my face. But I won’t get my day in court end of the day I believe he will eventually put himself in jail without my help x

[Confused123]

hey hun

just wanted to send u virtual hug, am thinking of u, hope u heal and get help u deserve and we are lsitening to u

[Ayanna]

It is disgusting, Woke up. I hope you get the strength from somewhere and fight this.
Do not let this slip.
You deserve justice.
You are entitled to defend yourself.
Ask the court whether they would have preferred to collect your dead body, because this is how many women end up when they do not defend themselves. At the moment every week three women are killed by men. You did the right thing and get punished for it.
What (detail removed by Moderator) are sitting in this system to let something like this happen.
Keep posting here and gather your strength.
Hopefully you will be able to take him to court.

[Woke up]

I am going to get help with this from a local domestic abuse service next week. Still upset they rang police and betrayed me and I must go to there office as they believe I am unable to manage my emotions and I shouted at them on the phone apparently I think more from sheer desperation and frustration as they are supposed to help but for a month I have had to keep calling them but I am not violent I will go in and prove this and will hopefully learn from them a way to manage my emotions as everything from the last few years has hit me at one anger loneliness frustration confusion anxiety depression and you name it I experience it and they said it was a blessing he has done this but I am upset that they basically told him that I was trying to recover dB counselling as I don’t want him to know as now I have he knows what games to play. But I have a goal and that is to move very far away and am getting support with this so when he does decide to contact me I will never be here. I wish I could deal with this in more of an adult way but he has emotionally nuked me and I just need help and guidance to understand why he is this way and move on forever and hopefully never meet another man like this again.everyone I know has said this order is a blessing in disguise and I am now actually starting to believe them. It’s thee shock of silence after so many years of being a slave to him it’s like I’m in a desert it’s so quiet x*x and I hope I can find a well and stay here for longer

[Woke up]

I M actually getting quite scared now as I have not heard anything from this order (detail removed by Moderator) and I am scared the judge will make me go to court and admit to things I didn’t do he lied and lied and what about what he did this is so unfair to me. Some days I feel like just running away from everything I would rather die than gave him and his lies in court. I have a feeling he has not attended or something or they need evidence why won’t he just leave me alone now

[Ayanna]

Wth! How can the women’s service call the police on you!
It seems you are let down everywhere.
Reminds me of my story.
Moving far away is a good idea.
I wanted to move to Saudi Arabia and work for an oil company when things were really bad. Nobody would have found me.
Have you spoken to Rights of Women?
Have you been to the GP for counselling?
You need to apply for counselling because you have issues with emotions. I shouted at everyone too who refused to see my side. I had applied for help from my GP and they refused. I kept shouting at people and also told them that I could not be blamed for that, because I was refused help to cope with my emotions. I put it in such a way, that as a victim of abuse I could not guarantee what I would do next as I was refused help and none of what had happened to me was my fault. Even today I feel like that sometimes, although I am better.
When they refuse to help you you cannot be blamed, you know what I mean.
But get proof that you looked for help.
In this country they tend to turn victims into perpetrators and protect male perpetrators.
When you cover your back they can try and will fail.

[Author]

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