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Telling my last abuser about my abusive past. The minute it wernt going his way he would say I urgently need to see my private counsellor. I also wish I’d followed my gut feeling from the start. As soon as I met him he were all over me which kind of stood out. He were also dating whilst going through a divorce. I tried ending it in the early days but he used to then immediately send me pictures of his son also he wanted me to meet his son in week (detail removed by Moderator). All the signs were there. He even said his ex wife got him thrown out of there mortgaged home she went to court apparently and has he put it….. played the DV card. I cant believe I were so foolish… he were so cunning came from a privelidged background and loved power. X
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You can see the patterns and the red flags now though ICDT. Now all you need to do is trust and act on your gut feelings, respond to yourself, question things and slow it down isn’t it.
BIG red flag that his wife went to court and got the house. Certainly required more investigation other than taking his word for it. Have you heard of Clare’s law? You can ask the police for any info they have on your present partner.
I agree with you when you say it’s wise to not tell your new partner too much about your past, until you feel it’s safe to do so, after coming to learn he can be trusted; in the same way I do with my friends, it takes time to establish whether this person can be trusted; because lets face it, even after this we can be wrong sometimes and he can use, twist and turn this agianst us.
You can be true to yourself, open and honest in a relationship without giving your personal history – this will come much later down the line.
Hope your ok, feeling bruised but that you were also lucky to dodge the bullit this time x
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Thankyou fizzylem. He also said I were a typical damaged women. Never took any blame for anything. He had private schooling and good jobs… he always wanted to win… ah well he didnt win with me I marched him straight down the road.. 😂
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Hello,
Just to also sympathise, I told my abuser about my past history of abuse and he turned it against me, I did it so so early on in the relationship and he ws surely charming at the time I opened up him. All the things that I regret and learned now from my mistakes.
Well done for standing up and taking control of your life as early as you did.
Best wishes
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