I manage two social occasions

[Serenity]

My anxiety has increased lately, due to worries about my ex’s treatment of my youngest and a few other things.

I had a dreadful week last week, feeling anxious but also beginning to really mourn the whole situation, feeling sad about how dreadful it all is. I just felt really triggered.

I was worried that I was going backwards, but I suppose that’s the nature of things: you get triggered and hit a difficult period for a couple of months, then slowly rise up again.

I managed to push myself to do two quite big things socially: one to go to a new group for the first time, and the other, to go to a BBQ where many of the people knew my ex and I when we were together. It was the lady’s birthday ( a big number) and I wanted to make an appearance.

The new group was potentially scary, as I was in fact going for the first time when they were meeting for a meal. I was a bit nervous as I approached the pub, but gritted my teeth and went in. In fact, everyone was lovely and the group sounds so interesting. This group will broaden my horizons. I sensed from things they said that a few people there had been through difficult marriages themselves, hence they were keen to get out and meet new people. We were only there for a couple of hours: just the right amount of time, I think.

The BBQ could also have been potentially triggering. It was painful being with people that had known my ex and I as a couple, but everyone was so nice. They didn’t mention my ex, I think in an attempt to help enjoy the moment. I purposely didn’t drink, as I’ve learned that if you’re feeling more anxious than normal, it’s not good to drink, asvthe initial fuzzy feeling you get is soon replaced by heightened anxiety. So so just enjoyed a lovely non-alcoholic drink and the wonderful food. I enjoyed chatting to s few people about general things, and I stayed the right amount of time ( two hours) as so needed to get back to my child.

I think setting boundaries and planning your activity and time limits really helps, if you’re feeling socially anxious, sensitive or overwhelmed. You feel more in control.

On another note, I’ve begun doing something this week which has helped me continue with my daily life when so feel my anxiety has increased. I divide my day up into hour blocks. I write down what I will do in each hour. Interspersed in between these hours I build in blocks for doing nothing. It helps knowing that I have some time to look forward to immediately after completing a task when so can just sit and breathe and metaphorically cuddle myself. When you’re anxious, the thought of keeping on going the whole day can seem overwhelming: dividing it off into hourly blocks has really helped me cope.

[Serenity]

PS : Six months ago, I wouldn’t have thought twice about going to a party, but I’d have probably used alcohol there as a crutch!

I think what I am trying to say is, even if you have setbacks, as time progresses you develop better coping mechanisms and can learn how to be the captain of your own ship, without the need for any crutches.

[White Rose]

Thanks Serenity.
It’s odd how the bad times come in waves.
It takes time to get out as a single woman again doesn’t it? I’m naturally a bit shy so struggle anyway but am msking an effort and in fact have been to more events since I left him than I did in the previous similar timescale with him. People don’t mind if you’re single and divorce isn’t odd – it’s almost the norm!
I like the sound of your “new group” I’ve thought if joining a group of people who go out for meals but haven’t plucked up courage yet the things I’ve been to I’ve known a couple of people as ice breakers.
Keep on enjoying life xx

[Author]

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