I miss him

[AnkaBa]

I’ve recently taken the plunge and ended my very very long term emotionally abusive relationship. It was very hard and thankfully this time around he didn’t try and keep me and respected my wishes which was a surprise. I always thought this would be the best thing that could’ve happened to me and I’d be so happy but instead I’m riddled with guilt and anxiety, I feel so sad and I miss him so much despite everything he has done. Why do I feel like this, is it normal? Please help me

[littledove]

You were in a long term relationship and its such a big change in your life. It’s completely normal to be feeling the way you are feeling. You are allowed to feel whatever you want to feel about the whole situation, so let yourself grieve.

You’ve taken the first big step by leaving him. Leaving him isn’t the hardest part, it’s what comes after. The next step is the healing process.

I am surprised too that he respected your wishes. But he may be thinking that it’s just temporary and that you’ll just give in and go back to him. Or I wouldn’t be surprised if over the next few days he will pop back up and try get you back.

You have to stay absolutely no contact. It’ll feel awful just now but it will honestly be better for you in the long run.
Use this time to get back on your feet, be kind to yourself, reconnect with old friends and family. Surround yourself with support. Contact women’s aid. Maybe look into counselling.
If you want to lie in bed all day, lie in bed all day and don’t be harsh on yourself.
Treat yourself. Get a massage. A nice new haircut.

Do things that he didn’t allow you to do when you were together. Learn new fun things, like if he did all the cooking, learn to cook.
Take up new hobbies.
And most importantly learn to love yourself.
Enjoy your life, you deserve to be happy x*x

[AnkaBa]

Thank you so much Littledove, we have been together all of my adult life so in some way I still feel like a helpless child, we are still living together now which is maybe why he’s been ok so far as he can still control me in ways , I do not feel totally free yet. I appreciate your kind words and support more than you know! I don’t know who I am
Without him which is the scary part. Take care xxxx

[Author]

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