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We split up months & months ago, there has been full no contact on his side and almost full no contact on my side. I have an amazingly stressful & difficult job. I need a cuddle and to feel someones arms around me. I need something good and special to make me feel that I am loved at the end of a horrible day. I have not had one cuddle in months and months, i need kindness & affection sometimes. I so much want that. At least when I was with him we could cuddle up together. My normal style is to move on quickly and find someone else but i havn’t done that as I thought it would be healthier not to. I still think about my ex and just have this urge to send him a message telling him that I loved and cared about him. I know if i have a short fling with someone else I will get this out of my system, someone at work i’m sure would oblige but i’m not sure that is the right thing to do. Does anybody else miss their ex?
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I know how you feel I told myself today that I miss saying ‘I love you’. I miss saying the words but I don’t miss saying it to him because I don’t miss him I remember the horror I faced every single day! I am going to buy myself a lovely teddy snd I will vow to cuddle it and take care of it. I need something to love snd look after. I have a plant but it’s suddenly stopped growing! Is there someone in your family that you can cuddle? A young child maybe? Children are the best to love and cuddle their love is so pure snd so innocent. X*x
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My counsellor once said to me that I missed the idea of a family, a husband- but not who he really was. I missed my belief in the potential of the relationship – which never actually came to pass, because of who he really was.
We are social creatures. It’s the most natural thing in the world to want intimacy, someone to share life’s journey with.
But you can find someone who is a real friend, who truly cares for you and who you can trust. You will enjoy days out with him, trips abroad, adventures, and you won’t be on tenterhooks and feeling anxious.
You will feel excited by his depth of character and his strength yet his kindness. You will look back at your ex- a coward who felt he had to belittle you by playing cruel mind games, because he felt threatened by your beauty and goodness- and you will realise what a cruel and weak specimen he was. 🌸
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I still “miss my ex”. I have been with my new partner for (removed by moderator). We are moving so slowly because i am terrified of ending up where i was a second time.
My idas worker described it as being like shoes. My ex is a really comfy pair of slippers. I know them, i know how to read him, i know what to say, how to act. I know all his little signs and signals and he is comfy. My new partner is like this beautiful pair of shoes i really want to wear but they ruba bit and just aren’t as comfybecause they need wearing in. I thought it was a good analogy. I don’t miss my ex i miss the security in what i know versus what i don’t. I miss the feeling of family, the days out, the gatherings, the good days because my mind is forgetting the bad.
I had a fling with someone from work just before we split up. I say a fling i mean a flirtation that escalated to talk of doing something. I think subconciously i saw it as a way out. I wanted to force his hand into ending the relationship i knew i couldn’t.
I didn’t treat that co worker very well, actually i was horrible to him. I pushed him away. I was so messed up. I am so ashamed of that. I said some awful things to him. So i think if you can avoid doing anything i would. Even (removed by moderator) years after we split i still behave badly towards my boyfriend. He can’t understand why i keep blowing hot and cold. Luckily he has stood by me and fought for me.
You will have what you want but somethings are worth waiting for and you are at your most vulnerable right now no good man will take advantage of that.
Get a cat, cats give good cuddles or the biggest teddy bear you can find. -
Awwww HA I hear what you are saying. Don’t have a fling it will make you feel worse! Just think a lot of people in life settle they settle for ok jobs, ok partners an ok lifestyle. We on the other hand refuse to SETTLE! We are waiting for the BEST and that’s what I truly believe. That door has well snd truly closed and an amazing door will be opening when we are ready! For mow enjoy freedom! People who are single want to be in a relationship and people in relationships want to be single! As human beings we are never satisfied! I tell you being on your own is the best feeling ever think of all the things you can do fancy free. I’m going to make a list and put it up in my room. I get paid and all my money is MINE!! The car I drive is MINE! The office I work in is MINE! My weekends are mine, my leisure time is MINE and my holidays are MINE! Haha he experienced nothing out of this world with me cos he didn’t deserve it. I intend on smiling more than ever and looking even more amazing than ever. I am a young very attractive girl whose in the process of shaping up for a bikini body and on my night out with friends I’ll get attention and you know what I’ll say. Thanks but no thanks in your dreams mate!! Enjoy the attention you get and tease because no one deserves to come near you unless they’re your Prince Charming! Hold out for the right one xxxx
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Thanks for your feedback Velvet. I know for a fact if I get involved with someone else this will all get out of my system. But i want to get involved with someone because I really like them as a person not because i’m trying to fill a void. I will continue to hold off, i’m so vulnerable if anybody flirts with me or shows me attention I will be like putty in their hands. I think I ought to cancel the day out as friends that I have planned with this man from work.
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Thanks my lovely! I’m glad they do! Listen to me HA we don’t even need a man to impregnate us we can freeze our ovaries and have babies whenever we want with who ever we want we have cheated nature. We are ahead of the game now lol we are seriously in such a great position nowadays. Definitely not even he’s messed with the wrong girl he thought I was naive but little did he realise! Guess what he’s realised now he’s getting DIVORCED along with the rest of his trash in his family they’ve had more divorces than hot dinners lol just goes to show how vile they are! You don’t need a man for anything you even gave sex toys to pleasure you lol men are so overrated like seriously who wants one? I certainly don’t I don’t have time to deal with their pathetic attempts to deal with things like ‘man flu.’ I’m far too busy making the grass greener on my side lol! You have empowered yourself more than you believe believe in yourself and your abilities. You won’t be making this mistake again just think your ex has taught you everything you DONT want in a man lol at least it’s clear cut what you want, what you deserve and what you will not compromise on this time! Xxxx
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LOL we should do meet up it would be great lol. Oh he was a pig he did NOTHING! Next man will be told you even leave a sweet wrapper in my car I’ll say ‘PICK IT UP! Does my car look like a bin to you?’ I am going to be so strict if the bedroom is messy his clothes go in black him bags I don’t give a s**t no pathetic b******t excuses you behave like a child that’s exactly how you will be treated. He’s being house trained I tell you first question I’ll be asking on dates is do you know how to use a washing machine? Don’t even think I’m joking I’m being deadly serious lol!! Xxxxx
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You know what I did the other day? I deleted all his wedding pictures 😂. I had it on a device I shared with him snd I deleted his pictures, his CV he spent so long using and all photos and trace of him it felt GOOD. I also have the back up of his photos as he gave it back to me with my stuff the idiot so basically it’s all gone he’s got no wedding pictures of me and even I deleted the photos I said ugly, ugly, ugly to every single family member of his and said beautiful beautiful to every single picture of me lol. I’ve sold that device now (I bought it by the way) and I have the money sat in my account. There’s one thing I need confirmation of and if things aren’t going my way the wedding and engagement rings he got me are getting valued and sold (won’t be worth much they look cheap like him) and I’m going to use towards that on my holiday for my spending money I think a day of spa treatments will cover it! I also have several birthday cards in my possession I gave him over the years. (Removed by moderator). I’ve written a hand written note next to it saying waking up next to you was a recurring nightmare! I’ve written so much stuff on these cards (obviously not given them back to him) but it gave me great satisfaction. Told him to enjoy his pathetic life without his wife and enjoy the rest of days living with his mother! Told him they are welcome to one another and can now marry one another snd start a family! Lol! My god if I saw this man again I would step away you’re a disease I don’t want to be infested and if you come one step closer I will scream so hard the police will be here quicker then you can say please don’t send me to jail so for your own sake get out of my sight!! (Removed by moderator).
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You don’t miss him HA this man a coward he’s not even a real man. A real man would never ever let you go he wouldn’t dream if it. A real man would wipe your tears he wouldn’t cause them. A real man would be proud of your achievements and celebrate them with you not destroy them. A real man would love you with every single vein and bone in his body. A real man would go to amazing lengths to see a smile on your face. Most of all, a man will respect you, admire you, encourage you, empower you, tickle you! He would be a real soppy sweetheart behind closed doors but be a proper kept man in front of others I.e. Would never dream of being seen in public in a pink shirt for example lol always masculine wear. A real man will love you for who you are and will not be ashamed to declare it to the world! Hold out for him at this exact moment in time he, your soulmate is searching long and hard for you xxxx
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HI HUn
Its normal to miss them, but reality is its not them we miss, its the idea of the partner that we miss, we miss the intimacy , the company of a decent partner, but f*** it , if he treated u bad he wasnt worth having, who wants a guy that is insecure themselves and puts tears in your eyes and enjoys breaking your heart, sod that its better to be single , flirt , let them buy u drinks and meals but i wouldnt recommend sleeping with a work friend or anyone else , it will just make u feel worser , like positive and looking ahead says we can do a lot without guys too, focus on healing and recovering and when the time is right mr right will come along and if he deosnt stillnot end of world , everytime u miss him , think of why u left
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Dear positive, have you ever thought of becoming an author? I think you would have a real knack for it, a kick a*s super powered freedom fighting comedy writer sort of thing. Again you had me laughing out loud, looking at his family photos & going ugly ugly Ugly! You are hilarious positive, my ex,s family were last in the queue when looks were being dished out too 😂🙌😂🙌😂🙌👍👍👍
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Completely agree with confused. Looks like you’re not so confused at all! Lol like I’ve said before you could have spent 50 years with someone but it it was vile it was vile time means nothing! What matters is how you’re treated! If you’re treated in such a vile way then it’s definitely his loss and not yours! We have lost nothing ladies we have, we can and will get our lives back to where they should be again. We lost our heart, our dignity and mental health to these insecure cowards but they are all things we can get back again along with lost years. You make your life the way you want it get a dog! They will never let you down and they will never maliciously make you pick up their s**t like these cowards do! lol I laugh at how stupid snd low their IQ would be it’s very easy to keep a woman….treat her with the respect she deserves and they weren’t even capable of that. They are a shameful bad breed of men. Real men would be violated by these creatures! Real men are not friends with these creatures!
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lol I’ve thought about doing stand up comedy lol! I’ve not thought about becoming an author but maybe I could write a positive uplifting book about a domestic violence survivor! It might put a smile on the faces of those who need it lol. You may have helped me make my first million! I’ve thought about going on national tv telling my story inspiring others to leave but I love having a private life so not sure. Also thought about selling my story to magazines making a mint and giving my parents the money they spent on my out of this world wedding wuth hundreds and hundreds of guests. I’m not scared of him snd my family I’m scared of myself lol! He is ugly man every family friend says at your wedding we were not impressed with his face, how he looked he was nothing special I said clearly that’s why I’m divorcing him lol. I’m st the top of the premiership and he is not even at the bottom of division one!! At least you don’t have the ugly gene snd he does. Good luck to these ugly vile people! See a persons real beauty is reflected on what’s on the inside if you’re black on the inside don’t expect to be sparkly on the outside! They have hearts of coal snd Santa will certainly not be giving them any presents this year for good behaviour! Coal it is for them! X*x
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Hi Healthy Archive
Don’t fret your worth than that…you sound like a caring lovely person who deserves a better life & happier times ahead. It is tough (as we’ve said before! LOL!) And (no buts,) we can all get through this step by step!
POstiveLookingahead…hilarious! Really cheered me up…you should go for it and ‘Tell it like it is’ maybe we could all contribute to a motivational book of some sort…I think it can even raise awareness even …for women questioning their relationship etc & we can be even more empowered! Though we are amazing ladies already 😉
As a lot f the the they’ve isolated us …on purpose …so we don’t do much digging …we get C fused and accepting…then kaboom!!
The lightbulb moment! No more sweet wrappers in the car…ugly ugly ugly family pictures must be gone..he used to smell really sour, LOL like inside & out with bad breath and always scratching & picking himself, with flat feet, and terrible dress sense…OMG quite repulsive HA HA …must stop as I’m getting into it, it’s actually really liberating to just list all the s****y things associated with him to remind oneself…they are no loss…or ‘no day at the beach’ as my dear Mum would say!
😀BIG HuGS Ladies xx
Ps I’d LOVE to meet you both for a thousand cuppa’s & LOL at their expense! X -
Hi Cuppa! Oh my goodness you made me laugh did his breath stink so badly? You should have left him a packet of chewing gums before you left lol! You know what HA is a lot stronger than she realises. The knowledge that she has is extensive and she’s great in helping others understand how and why certain things were said or certain things happened to them.
I am getting to such a great place now and I’m early in my recovery. I have completely turned my life around and I’m so proud of that. But, I couldn’t have done it without you lovely ladies. I just wish I knew what was to me whilst I was in it and wish I had this forum helping me then. But, it’s ok better late than never I say.
I would love to meet up with you ladies but not sure how it works as I’m sure this is an anonymous forum. I am honestly really over him it happened very quickly it didn’t take long lol not much to get over to be frankly honest about it lol. Also, I’m mellowing a lot and can handle situations a lot better now. It’s really shocking how abuse especially mental and emotional abuse takes over every single aspect of your life. I feel like I’ve been in a coma for a long time and I’ve just woken up. The things I can see and hear are things that I totally forgot about. I’m starting to think about cooking again and my diet and doing things I want to do again. I am getting more settled at home with my family again, at work but more importantly within myself. I have truly learned so much about myself and I’m content within myself.
As for HA I think she’s done very well she’s so beneficial to all of us on here and she is living proof of what you can achieve on the other side. I look forward to the day when I forget his name, I forget his existence and I really truly move on. I have a plan a 3-5 year plan of what I want to achieve, where I want to be, how I want to be living and where. What I want to do is completely realistic and achieve able and I have no one and nothing in the way. No one will dull my sparkle again I was too kind but now I’ve become wise. I certainly will not be making any of these mistakes now these type of men stick out to me like a sore thumb. I am even more private than I was before completely off social media, number changes and I will do the number chance as frequent as I can. I’m really determined to keep my circle close and I’ve learned so much from this. See, I told you we have in reality lost nothing! Nothing that hasn’t come back to us anyway xxxx
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My ex was certainly no oil painting, in fact I would put him into the more physically challenged catagory of all of the men that i’ve ever been out with. He was not good company either. I remember reading my journal when I was in the love bombing phase and he was hooking me in, at this point I thought I was in love. I wrote in my journal that we had been out for the day and I wasn’t enjoying his company, he was overpowering. It bothered me as I wanted to enjoy his company as I thought that I loved him. I’m sorry to say it but his home was dirty, I hated being there. The bathroom was filthy, never cleaned, I just hated being there. Positive & Cuppa, thanks so much for your multiple compliments of me. I have a WEALTH of resources and information to get all of us through this. I don’t post any names of this information on the open forum any more but if you are interested I can tell you about it in a private message. I am struck by how great, normal and free life can be & SHOULD be. I live normally now, go to work, come home, go to the gym, have dinner, all mundane normal things. i sleep ok and feel calm. When I was with my ex I was deeply deeply insecure and anxious, I thought it was all me, some flaw in my personality due to not being good with relationships. I don’t have any of those horrible upsetting emotions any more. Admittedly as you can see when I created this thread that its not all plain sailing a lot of the time. The trauma bonding makes you miss and crave them. But I am content with my life now and I’m sure I would never ever entertain any morsel of abuse again. X*X Its onwards & upwards for these powerful ladies X*X
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I keep thinking about him, I feel so sad that it is like this. I dont want to be together but I so much wish we could talk and clear the air. I did try to do this before but was given a wall of silence. I tried it again several months ago, again ignored. I know that relationships involve equal input on both sides, it is no good if one person is doing all of the trying. I’m confident I won’t contact him or anybody he knows & he is unable to contact me as I changed all of my details. Though he is able to write or visit in person. I wish he would talk honestly to me, just talk to me and say sorry. I was a good partner to him.
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Just a. It of a mish mash answer to a few of the points, above:
Positive: what’s weird is that I never had our wedding photos up. Most of my marriage, they were inaccessible, in a box which couldn’t be reached easily.
I now think this was maybe because he actually wasn’t romantic, he had two settings: cruel, and slimy when he wanted something. No kind, tender romanticness- do maybe I didn’t even feel I could put up my own wedding photos in that atmosphere. Maybe, under it all, I knew it wasn’t a genuinely kind marriage. Well, in fact, there’s no maybe: certainly I knew he was cruel. I just felt trapped.
HA : about your earlier post about wanting to clear the air with your ex. First, you can’t, because if you get near to them, they just slap you all over again, begin to abuse and play mind games, etc.
Secondly, although I am very much a peace maker and pacifier, I’ve come to realise that rushing to forgive and to be on friendly terms again with those who have mistreated you is not teaching them abuthing. You’re letting them off the hook. No contact protects you, if it also works as a public statement, letting the abuser know that you know who and what he is and won’t tolerate it.
The more these abusers are freely forgiven, the more they think they can get away with it. The whole reason that they treat people like they do is because they think others are too nice and will forgive them and even take the blame themselves. They think others are easily pliable.
About the new person giving you attention at work: remember to hold on to your self, who you are. Keep 30% back! Be aware of red flags! X
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