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I saw a new/changed photo on (removed by moderator) what’s app image, it shows my (removed by moderator). I miss them! Haven’t seen them since my (removed by moderator) birthday in (removed by moderator). I sent a lovely message to them on (removed by moderator) what’s app page, I’ve heard nothing back? Today believe I won’t! The other day I left a (removed by moderator) for the boys, Ive heard nothing from her? For some reason? She’s joined her (removed by moderator), who stopped contact with me, (removed by moderator) after she lost her (removed by moderator). I miss her children too! my (removed by moderator) lovely granddaughters. I received no mother’s Day sentiments or card from either of them in March, I don’t understand what I’ve done?
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Hi Hazydayz
This sounds very painful, from what I can piece together of it. Do you not see your children anymore? I know there is an organisation to help mothers going through this, I can’t recall what its called though. Hopefully someone else may be aware of it and be able to link to it for you.
Do you have any lines of communication open so that you could at least open a discussion about a way forward for you all? I do hope so.
warmest wishes
ts
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Thankyou TS♥️ I don’t expect people to understand what I was saying in my post, (& it’s difficult now it’s been hugely deleted, I see) unless they could see through my eyes or feel the hurt and pain I feel in my heart 💔 every day! when I remind myself I’m missing my loved ones, (especially, the little ones, the innocent! I’m missing seeing the babies and seeing them grow up, which feels only natural! as a mum/grandma. I should say…that was? Yes! It hurts! My (detail removed by Moderator) daughters know this! I’m sure! They must?But, They seem to be now, using their children? To hurt me? To hurt the natural loving relationship that exists between grandma and grandchildren. It’s the children’s birthright relationship after all! that’s so unfair on the children too! I think my daughter’s are enjoying hurting me? punishing me! for something? I don’t understand? Why? But, thankyou💐 for trying to understand how it must feel? and for replying to me (when I felt alone in this, and needing my heartbroken feelings to be acknowledged) for your trying to help💕
It feels like I’m the only person living this, but as you reminded me, others too somewhere? must be. I have googled before, but never can find real people online contact? support ? Just finding others like me?. In my saddest moments… The future of my life looks very empty! And sad! when I look at who’s missing and it’s so quiet Without the happy sounds of much loved children’s giggles and their crawling up to me and their running about me. (Painful memories now! remembering last times! enjoying this simple pleasure, seeing their beautiful little smiling faces in my mind, each one of them in turn, sat on my lap, cuddled up together and arms wrapped round lovingly) And shared love and laughter! With them and wanting to share/see it retuned by my daughter’s smiles. I have tried to keep that line of communication? What should be! a natural continuem! stay connected to them all, but sadly, nothing I do, no matter how much love and support I show them, Nothing! changes my daughter’s view of me? as not good enough! I believe. I’ve had things said to me! They have no respect for me or my feelings 💔 Over the last (detail removed by Moderator) years it’s been a case of having to wake up to? And try to accept? my (detail removed by Moderator) daughters disconnecting from me, (detail removed by Moderator) for whatever reason? My (detail removed by Moderator) daughter…There’s no discussion granted by her! And then she reeled me back in, (detail removed by Moderator) ago when she gave birth to her (detail removed by Moderator). She text me a photo of her with her new baby, (detail removed by Moderator), I obviously returned love and best wishes to them all and after, when invited to meet my baby (detail removed by Moderator), I allowed myself the joy of being a new grandma again, having fun shopping for gifts and showering love upon her/them. My (detail removed by Moderator) daughter was there when I first met my (detail removed by Moderator)? I thought it was a good sign? Things were going to be good again? I hoped anyway! But! I was sort of kept on the sidelines, despite my showing love and showing I cared, loved them all, trying to be a good and loving grandma / mum!( I spent time trying to build bridges? developing a relationship with my (detail removed by Moderator) trying to build relationships with all, but, I could feel it was me! doing all the doing! trying! to live for the future, being together and being happy together! Showing love! But, I could feel something was not right? Not natural? one of the clues was…photos! None were ever taken of me?together with the baby or after? There seemed to be. No keepsakes? no making memories? Of being a family? together! Then, moving on from those early days…from the sporadic and the small amount of granted contact with my (detail removed by Moderator)/ daughter /daughter’s at (detail removed by Moderator) at her sayso! Then things changed again, this last (detail removed by Moderator) ago. Along came (detail removed by Moderator)! Another (detail removed by Moderator)♥️ who came along to join her (detail removed by Moderator), my daughter kept me less involved? actually, Spurned me! (For showing my love for the new baby, by my knitting baby clothes for her, with love ♥️) that Upset me greatly! Broke my heart💔 again! (for my showing my love? knitting with love😢) as I had for her (detail removed by Moderator)! My waking up to that behaviour! Showed me…. it’s happening still! But I still tried to carry on being there for them all, Then…it was my (detail removed by Moderator) daughter turn to become a mum, (detail removed by Moderator)💙💙I showed my love, did same support, more! And after allowing me to get close to the children, all of them! My heart’s now been ripped out almost! By my 2 daughter’s! I don’t know why if they hate me? Why? Why? If they didn’t want me in their lives? Why didn’t they? didn’t just say? Get lost mum! We don’t love or want you! Good riddens! goodbye to me, before involving my heart with their children💔 sorry TS, For the length of this. I just need to get it out of me, again! Warmest wishes to you💞 -
I’m sorry to hear you are suffering this loss; the organisation I was thinking of relates to mothers of children, where an abuser has alienated the mother, younger children, children still under parental responsibility. Sorry, I misunderstood.
There will, I’m sure be organisations for older children/grand-children. One has just come to me, Gransnet. Have you heard of it? Its like mumsnet, dadsnet, but for grand-mothers. I’m sure there would be women on there that are going through /been through similar. It might help you to connect with other women experiencing this? There may be strategies they use to build bridges with their estranged grown-up children, and of course there may be some here who are going through the same.
Would you be able to write down a simple message to them, maybe there would be ways in which you could offer help with no strings attached, to lighten the load of challenging times with babies/toddlers? Ask them if they are able, to open up a little to what would help to improve relationships, but….make sure they don’t bully you, holding your love for them and their children over you, like an abuser does. Is this a result of their abusive father? Make sure you keep your own boundaries. Also, it might be something a specialist counsellor could help with, specialism in family dynamics? I do hope you find a way, and that writing it all out helped in some small way, to have a release, and be heard.
warmest wishes
ts
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oh bless you love, what a lot of emotional burden you are carrying, yes, it would be really beneficial I think if you are able to reach a family counselling specialist, there’s so much to work through and manage in your relationships. Its important that you daughter’s realise their dynamics, and I think Gransnet would be really helpful actually, as I’ve heard of lots of situations like yours and that is definitely a place that there would be threads discussing this if that is something you think could help. Somewhere to be heard and to chat through, alongside some counselling, as all you can do at the end of the day is manage your own feelings and behaviours in this midst of all these dynamics!
We do indeed do so much to keep investing love and connection in our most precious family relationships, but sometimes maybe we don’t always speak our boundaries clearly to flag up the obvious to others!
I am sorry you are struggling with (detail removed by Moderator); I am thinking its likely you would find sections on MN, or GN about this too, and find support and helpful advice and links, as you can guarantee if you are suffering it, other women somewhere will be too!
I’m glad you’ve felt it good to vent, take good care of yourself and remember you have your own needs and boundaries too. x
warmest wishes
ts
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