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Hello Hazydayz
I’m so sorry, and you won’t be alone. No matter what they do or say (or don’t do or say), you are their only mother, and this set up is so complex its desperate for them to know how to keep safe and who to ally with (because they’re scared and groomed by him). They are hurting bad too, but can’t reach out.
Not receiving cards/gifts/love on this special day from your children doesn’t make you a bad mother, it makes him a bad father.
Sending you much love and huge hugs, treat yourself to all the good that you deserve this day, you must recognise the huge deal you are going through because you are a mother in this situation, so make the most of yourself and make yourself feel good in every and any way you can. You do what you want and revel in it.
warmest wishes
ts
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Hello Twisted sister, Thankyou for your support I’m not sure if my situation is clear? (detail removed by Moderator) they haven’t been involved with my husband, don’t see what I’ve gone through. They are grown up now, (detail removed by Moderator). So…No abuse in their childhoods, only anger towards me, (detail removed by Moderator). (detail removed by Moderator).
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Me either. My (detail removed by Moderator) child put a post on social media and thats it. No effort from him Ive never had a gift so i dont know why im suprised the kids only go by what they see i guess and they see him make no effort and me pretend i dont care when inside im crying so hard. My guess is you are the same. Nothing i can say will make it hurt any less but sweetie you are not alone. Sending hugs xx
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Oh nbumlebee I’m sad for you too. I’m sending you hugs too. I can’t blame their dads because they haven’t been around since they walked out of their lives when they were very young children. I believe they are angry at me for that too. I must someday explain but it’s a long story, I’ve said a bit on my reply above that might explain a bit? Take care of yourself sweetie x
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Children who don’t have fathers around to ‘show’ how to treat mum, and to make her feel special on this day, don’t know how to do it. It doesn’t happen magically, and they will always blame you for anything and everything, this much I have learnt, and started to push back on. Being clear that it wasn’t my doing, it was his. Not my fault, his.
Maybe this is something you can speak directly with them about now that they are older and should be hearing the exposed truth of their lives because he walked out. Its him that left them, not you. No doubt that will affect them very negatively, but thats his fault,b ut they blame the one they feel safe with. Sending you hugs and strength for today and beyond.
warmest wishes
ts
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Hey Twisted Sister, I just realised I .issued to reply to you yesterday after you sent above reply to my post I do appreciate the points you raised and your supportive hugs sent to me yesterday. Hugs back.I was frustrated yesterday at feeling the way I do! Once again…I apologise! I missed to do this yesterday. Hope you had an ok day?
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I’m sorry to hear this Hazydayz. That must’ve been so hard. It was a brave step to make to reach out to them. Give them, and yourself, some time to think things through and for any dust to settle. You have started on this course, take it slowly and lookout for yourself first and foremost. Do keep posting wheneveryou feel you need. I’m sure you will find a way.
warmest wishes
ts
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