2nd January 2019 at 8:48 pm #69772
I really need to hear something positive right now. I’m having such a bad time. I think it’s coming to an end. His family are helping me, I feel as though all the hopes and dreams I had are dying.
2nd January 2019 at 9:07 pm #69778IwantmebackParticipant
Hi Landy, you can do this, you have the strength and courage to get through this. The way I’m dealing with losing my future with him is seeing that there’s a reason why I am going through this. We truly are given what we can deal with,. I will go into counselling once I get away from him, I want to get legislation through parliament, I want more ordinary people to see that this behabiour will no longer be tolerated. I look at it that my oh has done me a favour, (though it sure doesn’t feel like it at the moment)he’s made me realise I’m so much stronger, clever and passionate about things that are important to me. You are this woman too. 💜💜
3rd January 2019 at 7:54 am #69810
I left my City job and moved away from my friends and family to a big project of a house to be with him. I’m worried about being stuck here, far from friends and family in this wreck of a house. He’s an alcoholic, so I’m in debt, although the house iss mine. Just want to crawl into a hole somewhere. He, of course, is telling everyone I’m the abuser. I’ve stood by him through detox and getting into voluntary work with a view to working again, put a roof over his head and his pets’ and all he does is bully and threaten me. I don’t even know why it hurts so much. He’s not worth it, but I feel broken.
3rd January 2019 at 12:06 pm #69824EbonyRavenParticipant
I hear you there. Although the house is mine, it’s falling to bits and needs tons of renovation. When we first got together he was full of how he’s so practical, and he can help with this, that and the other. Of course, he was just reeling me in.
Also an alcoholic who has done his level best to put me into debt, the most practical thing he ever did was (detail removed by moderator)
I am lucky in that I received some counselling on another matter and some of the techniques I learned can be applied to most situations. I focus where possible on one step at a time, as the saying goes: You don’t have to see the whole staircase to take the first step. So I make tiny attainable goals for myself, focusing more on the next few hours, or next day or whatever, and bringing myself back from the long term guesswork. After all, the view from the top of that staircase could well be absolutely amazing, and not as bad as my tired foggy brain would like to picture.
I try to be very kind to myself too. If I set a goal and don’t do it I remind myself that I’ve been in a war for years, a war for my Self. That’s traumatic, so I can allow myself extra time, or can re-evaluate a goal and break it down into even smaller chunks if that will help me. That’s allowed. Why is it allowed? Because I say it is, and only I am ultimately in charge of how I decide to see something.
You know, you can grow a new onion from the scraps of an old one, create a new bulb of ginger from the leftovers of an old root and re-grow spring onions again and again. My original hopes and dreams may now have gone into an old stew, but I’m creating new ones every day. Teensy, tiny new ones admittedly, such as today I WILL do yesterday’s washing up, and I may even do today’s today too, but each one is a triumph, and each is a step up.
All that climbing allows me a rest sometimes though. If I decide that after all, I’m not meeting that goal today, then that’s fine. It’s mine I can choose the timeline for it.
Anyway I’ve waffled on enough. You have recognised and have woken up. You are aware. That’s something to celebrate in itself. Be kind to yourself, you deserve it.
10th January 2019 at 1:08 am #70438jackjackParticipant
I hear you. Please do not give up. If you are still with abuser please leave and begin again. It does not matter what he says…my ex tells the same story to anyone who will listen that i was abusing him and i went to a refuge to get a house with a j****e boyfriend i was having an affair with. Utter nonsense. Noone believes him, they see through his facade. Anyone who does believe well, they can jog on. Not in my safe circle. So they can go. Not important what they think.
You can start again Landy. I did. I left with nothing but the clothes on my back, tesco bag with clothes and a teddy for my kids. I had to spend my last fiver on a clean outfit from the charity shop the day before i moved into refuge…womens aid were so good to me. They guided me and helped me find strength courage and hope. Bit by bit i am back on my feet. I have a lovely home, i make my own choices. I have done so much in so little time and single parent too. I got off anti depressants, im making an album and (detail removed by moderator).
Do not fret about losing money and things…..you are the most precious thing to rescue from that wreckage. Time we never get back. Money and things we can accrue in time.
Take courage dear Landy. Let my story heal your story. You do not have to put up with how things are x
10th January 2019 at 1:29 pm #70462freedomtochooseParticipant
jackjack just to say really appreciated this post. Left like you with nothing for refuge cept clothes on back and child. Didn’t know about this forum then, wish I had but now feel comforted by this forum. I am not alone.
thanks all for posting
11th January 2019 at 4:23 pm #70504
I’m sorry, but I’ve worked for 30 years to buy this house and I won’t allow a drunken waste of space who has contributed nothing take it from me!
I’m out now, pressing charges and moving on. The worm has turned!!!
11th January 2019 at 6:18 pm #70518IwantmebackParticipant
💪💞 well done Landy, loving your attitude.
11th January 2019 at 6:56 pm #70523EbonyRavenParticipant
Don’t ever be sorry for that Landy, it’s absolutely how you should feel. You’re Titanium. 🙂
11th January 2019 at 9:40 pm #70529
Wish I felt like titanium 🙁
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