I need advice please

[mylovemylife]

Hi all, i need a legal advice pls, if ever you have an idea. I tried to contact womens aid helpline the whole afternoon and i have no luck. Tried to went to CAB as well but i need to go to the main branch in the borough.

Anyway, my problem is this, I’ve been living with a very abusive husband for (detail removed by moderator)years (mentally, verbal, threatening that he will take our son away, degrading). Lately, he said we can go home to my country with my son since we are like a burden to him. I know him so much that he sometimes loves to change minds quickly and loves to make stories so i could look bad to other people. I contacted my family and they say they will shoulder the plane tickets so we can go. I’m scared that he’ll change his mind and stop us for leaving. What I’m gonna do in case he’ll stop us? Please help. Thanks

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi there welcome,

Do you have a local domestic abuse service? There is a search facility on here to look for what is near you, contact them as they will be easier to get through to on the phone and will be able to help, the link is here:

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

The national line is sadly so busy, however you can leave a voicemail for a call back so give that a try too?
Also search for local women’s charities, I searched google for everything I could find, rang everyone and told them all I needed help, I barely know who I called now but everyone was very kind and helpful and got me sorted. You can also tell your GP and they can help.

It sounds like he might be threatening taking your child from what you wrote on your other thread, they often do this to keep us trapped, not because they actually want the child. I’m not totally sure what to suggest for your situation in terms of the flights, maybe the others can help more. I do know that it’s always best to go with your gut – my gut was right about my ex all along but I dismissed it as it seemed ridiculous. Seek out the support and make a safety plan to get out and keep posting for support.

[KIP.]

Do not tell him you are going. Carefully plan your escape. My ex threatened the same. He’s baiting you to see if you are actually serious and planning to go and when he finds out you are, you will be punished and the coercive control will begin again and the real nasty abuser will show himself. Abusers are very devious. They are pathological liars. Do not tell him you are leaving.

[mylovemylife]

Actually i was planning to have an escape last year, but i stopped when i read about a news that a mother tried to escape with her child was detained in the airport despite her husband has ongoing case of domestic abuse. That scares me. I don’t know why, maybe I’m too paranoid or scared that my child will be taken away from me by him 😢
Thanks for the suggestions btw, i will try to ring those sites you shared moms. And maybe try to give womens aid a ring again.

[KIP.]

Abusers control us by fear. The Fear of losing your child is a huge one and abusers often threaten this. It’s how they control you. Could you sell him the idea that you and your child are going on holiday to visit your relatives? Could you be careful enough to persuade him that you will be returning? Remember they are devious and clever so you would have to be very careful. Keep trying the helpline or find your local women’s aid. They won’t pressure you into doing anything but have the contacts for agencies you may need. There is also Rights for Women who offer free legal advice. Abuse always gets worse x

[Lisa]

Hi mylovemylife,

Welcome to the forum! I am so pleased to see you have had some good advice and I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be. Please do be very careful about leaving the country with any children that are his. Sadly he could be tricking you and without his formal agreement (eg a legal document with his consent from a solicitor) there is a chance he could accuse you of abducting the children under the Hague Convention. Please try the helpline for some good advice and also Rights of Women http://www.row.org.uk can help you. You could always consider a refuge while you find out legally what you are entitled to do, they will help and support you. Please do not let him know that you are thinking of leaving him and ending the relationship as this could make it very dangerous for you.

We are all here for you so please keep posting to let us know how you are getting on. If you need to leave a message for the helpline they will get back to you in a safe time frame that you can leave on the voicemail.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Author]

Posts