12th May 2016 at 8:54 pm #17104
I know I’m stupid… Please don’t judge me. I think so many of us do this. I went back to him. He planned to come over tonight… All excited to see me and me him then suddenly he says he never said he was coming over.
So maybe the direct words weren’t said but we both knew the assumption.
So then he’s kicking off as usual… How do I talk to him without being drawn back into it.ive told him strait that I know exactly what his game is
12th May 2016 at 9:10 pm #17110Falling SkysParticipant
Hi and hugs Starmoon
You are not stupid, we all at times do stupid things but when they are working their charm its so easy to fall for it.
As many say here zero contact, this helps you to become stronger and not fall for their mind games.
12th May 2016 at 9:14 pm #17111Twisted SisterParticipant
i think if you work on the basis that you don’t have to tell him anything at all, just stay away like you were brave enough to before then all the going in circles will stop because he won’t be interested in hearing your views sadly, only his version is the truth! and there’s no fighting that, and i really hope you are not happy to accept that and can hope for better for you.
He’s completely disregarded you in doing this, and might have done it deliberately to dangle you because it gives him a sense of power, either way i hope you can expect better than this for yourself.
12th May 2016 at 9:17 pm #17112MillionpiecesParticipant
If my abuser chase me, show me that he sorry for what his done, leave his new gf, I will run back to him. It is not stupid, it’s bcoz you care and love him.
The best option is with no contact it’s very hard at the beginning but will get easier with time and will make you stronger.
12th May 2016 at 9:23 pm #17113MillionpiecesParticipant
I left him few years ago but because we still in contact I ran back to him a year after.
12th May 2016 at 10:28 pm #17130KazaParticipant
You are not stupid and we have all been there. Eventually you will get there and realise no contact is the only way forward, but it will happen when you are ready for it to happen. The first week is the worst and hardest, but although I never thought it, it is true what they say tiny steps, and each day you will get stronger. You deserve better.
12th May 2016 at 10:38 pm #17134Confused123Participant
Listen to what we are all saying u not stupid, again remember and reflect on how he leaves u feeling, see he has given u this fake hope again that things will be ok then denies saying he would come around or denies giving u that impression. We just cant help ourselves we keep hoping maybe this time they have changed. THid guy is not gonna change, and its good his mask has fallen again, u realized but he didnt cause he still thinks u r weak and vunerable. See this as a positive step that u getting stronger and wiser, now u take control and ignore him, dont waste energy giving him explaniation, u made mistake speaking with him, he doesnt need to know it was a mistakejust go back to no contact
12th May 2016 at 10:55 pm #17140
It’s so frustrating…. He makes me feel crazy. He swore he realized his mistake, told me all the usual things- that we’d be equal and yes we’ve discussed things but now the problem is that he’s doing these things. He’s making me feel like I’m going crazy and then of course telling me that I’m plucking problems from thin air. We’d originally said we wouldn’t be seeing each other this eve but then spent all day texting saying we missed each other and didn’t want to spend a night apart. We then spoke on the phone, I asked him if he wanted to see me and he said of course. Naturally from that, I assumed it meant he was coming over.(detail removed by moderator) Wasn’t he coming over?! He called me up saying ‘when did we agree I was coming over’. He totally gasslighted me into that didn’t he?.
I said to him ‘are you joking’… He then started saying that once again my lack or communicating properly was the problem. That I should’ve asked him directly- well I thought I had!! I tried to explain this but he has this knack of just making me feel stupid. I’d never have misjudged a situation so drastically with someone els… It can’t possibly be that I got it wrong?! I feel so sure that he lead me into that.
So I stood my ground telling him I knew what he was doing but I wasn’t composed because I can’t help but let my emotions get the better of me. I wish I could have just said ‘no you did lead me to believe you were coming over, and I’m extremely angry that you’re now saying you didn’t’…. And I wish I didn’t care why he was playing this game. I mean where actually is he instead of being here
13th May 2016 at 12:30 am #17159
I feel really stupid. Lying awake getting wound up about it. He made me believe he was coming over- any idiot would’ve come to the same conclusion. Then he turned up here shouting the odds- like he was so furious that I’d assumed he was coming over… And then when I reacted to his fury- by being annoyed myself and suggesting that this was his plan all along… He then gets even more angry. But if the tables were turned and he’d assumed I was going to see him, I wouldn’t have lost my rag. I’d have been sorry, I’d have felt guilty and I’d have gone to see him.(detail removed by moderator). It’s bull sh**… It’s making my blood boil. When he’s lying he always gets so angry. So where is he then. That’s what’s making me feel sick… (detail removed by moderator)It must’ve been somewhere important to decide to do what he’s done
18th May 2016 at 9:23 pm #17553Twisted SisterParticipant
i am so many years ‘supposedly’ out of this, and yet still now have dreams about exactly this kind of thing. this one was of him begging and apologising and promising never to drink again..all SOOO genuine and heart-felt and convincing, and i opened a cupboard chock full of bottles of hard liquor and realised i’d fallen for it all over again and was so trapped and distraught…..
we all have stories like this don’t we?
I don’t know what i was thinking, but i don’t think anyone else stupid for believing someone they want to believe and to hold onto the promises of better all the time… We don’t make that up they do.
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