Viewing 21 reply threads
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    • #6887
      A-HAfan
      Participant

      Hi I am new on here and I would like some advice my ex husband has found out where we live thanks to my ex father in law what would you do would you move or stay?

    • #6890
      Tamra
      Participant

      Hi A-HAfan,

      Firstly welcome to this forum I hope you find it a safe place to post and ask questions or just let out how you feel, the ladies on here are great.

      As I read your post my first thoughts was what a …….. your ex father in law is and dont let them drive you out from where you now live. However I dont know your situation so I feel it would be wrong of me to make a decision on whats best for you. if you fear anything phone the police or the helpline for some advice as they will know best.

      Keep posting and we will do our best to support you,

      Stay safe
      xx

    • #6893
      A-HAfan
      Participant

      Hi I know that I should stay here but I
      Know just how dangerous he can be I had not seen him for years and then my ex mother in law got cancer and we went to say goodbye and since than his family want us to get back together I said no in a way that said I meant it but it looks like that they will not take no for an answer

    • #6894
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Hi AHA

      Welcome, your safety is paramount. Take advice, ring womans aid as you can’t give write all the details.

      You need to have a plan in place.

      Some people with never let you have a point of you.

      Good luck.

      FS

    • #6895
      Tamra
      Participant

      Oh no thats awful and to use a situation like cancer to pull you back in. Then if he is dangerous think very carefully about what to do next but log everything that happens even if you get it logged with the police. I think the best for you would be to phone the helpline to get the best advice especially if he is dangerous.

      Love of love and stay safe

    • #6925
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi A-HAfan,

      Welcome to the forum! I am so pleased to see that you have got some lovely support here already. I just wanted to send you a little one to say that you know your Ex and what he is capable of better than anyone so listen to your gut. If your gut is telling you that you are not safe then please do phone the helpline and even the Police on 101 to talk about your options for safety planning. I know it is really frustrating to leave your home but if you are not feeling safe then it is better to go somewhere else and feel secure.

      We are all here for you.

      Best wishes,

      Lisa

    • #6978
      A-HAfan
      Participant

      Hi just to let you know that I have decided to stay in my home I can not keep running with the help of my family and friends also the police we will be okay thank you for the advice and for listening to me even after all these years I still get scared by him

    • #6979
      Tamra
      Participant

      Hi,
      Glad to hear you made up your own mind and didnt get pushed by their control.

      Stay safe and call the helpline or police at anytime. It is a scary time but me and all the other ladies on here are here for you.

      best wishes and hugs
      Tamra
      xx

    • #7064
      A-HAfan
      Participant

      Hi I had a text message from my ex sister in law today when I told her that I was worried about him she told me that he is so over me now and not to worry so if he is so over me then why are the family trying to get me back with him? He wants to get to know his children. As my one said to little to late

    • #7407
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hey Hun

      Try avoid contact with any of them , they will never speak truth , again just playing mind games to see your reaction , stay safe and report any incidents if he scares u , post on here as much as u need

    • #7683
      A-HAfan
      Participant

      Hi I blocked there phone numbers but
      They used another phone I am going to change my phone number and not give to anyone but my
      Family, my one daughter is changing her name as he does not even know her

    • #7994
      A-HAfan
      Participant

      Hi I have now changed my phone number
      I am also learning to drive I have even
      Booked my theory test and I have you all
      To thank for making me feel like that I
      Am not on my own which for many years I
      Did, when you go through something like this
      Even though you have your family to help
      I don’t think that they understand no matter
      What they say only someone who has been
      There truly knows

    • #7995
      White Rose
      Participant

      Good for you!
      Well done. Keep strong – you are amazing. Good luck with the driving.
      xxxx

    • #8012
      Nor82
      Participant

      Hi, I’m new here

      It’s been (removed by moderator) since I’ve left my abusive ex Partner,I’m going through so many different emotions and I’m sad to say the worst thing I can’t get my head around is how charming he was and how I really thought he loved me we was going to get married and was trying for a baby.sounds crazy now he manipulated me in every sense and was a compulsive lier I should have left sooner but I never thought in a million years he would threaten me and my children they were not his, and now we are apart I can see it so clear he was jealous of my children he would pick on them to get to me. I told him my children would always come first I guess that made him mad inside too! I knew he had a temper but nothing like I’ve ever seen when he finally showed his true colours when I told him the relationship was over. He told me it was my fault as during the relationship he would tell me you don’t know what I am really like and he was right I didn’t! So in should have left him sooner and now I’ve got to shut up and put up in other words. Even after everything he put me and my children through I still sit here and miss him its not normal surely I should hate him! I wish I could but I’m not made that way which is how men take advantage this is my second dv relationship in ten years I put up with it for 4 yrs the first time and that was physical. I thought I would spot the signs but this one was soo different he would have moved the earth for me its mental how he tricked me and my friends and family into believing he was the best man anyone could have met!. The sad thing is I know deep down he wanted to be that man but something wouldn’t let him or he was scared to let go or get too close I’m not making excuses I think he is vile for what he has done and I also know he has no remorse I’ve had to get an injunction on him to protect me and my children. I just feel numb and confused to how I’m back here again reliving this nightmare x

    • #8019
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hey Hun

      It was never u , let the feelings out , my screen is keep freezing so will keep short , we’ll done for getting out , think we get so used to abuse even when we walk away we can’t work out what we missing. Your have to wean yourself of him , it does get better , just keep posting on here . Again it’s just a game they played with us , my ex used to say same u will never understand me, he was right, why I was so desperate for him to live and accept me , relationship can’t work with one person Mali g effort , just be glad u never had kids with him

      • #8031
        A-HAfan
        Participant

        Hi he sounds just like my ex husband
        It as only been two weeks give your
        Self a chance you and your children are now
        Safe that is all that matters just take it
        One day at a time

    • #8029
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hey Hun

      Hope u feeling better this morning, post as much as u can , its good to talk it out with surviviors of abuse, next few months will be like a rollcoaster of emotions, we all ask ourselves how did we fall for this kind of guy,how could we of been so blind, bu these men r clever, they manuiplate us , we actually become addictied to them like a drug,it shorrible they treat us like c**p but we still want them, i think its how our body adapts to them , the abuse becomes a norm we receive it so much that it becomes tolerable even thought it hurts, please do stay away from him, remember why u walk out when u miss him, remember how he hurt u , or whatever the worst thing was that made u think thats enough, thats the only way to keep away, they dont change, think of yourself and your kids . They get everyone to think they r me perfect and behind closed doors r animals, read the book why does he do that by lundy bancroft, will open your eyes and u realize that these men r masters at this game , u was never to know, u just got caught out like the rest of us on here. try and do counselling, it helps so much and please tell me u r doing no contact, it makes u so much stronger

    • #8032
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Nor82,

      Well done for being brave enough to post, and also for recognising what is happening and getting out. It is extremely distressing once the vail has truly fallen and you can see your partner for who he is and what he is doing, especially so when it has been aimed at your children. But it’s really positive that you have left and are taking the necessary steps to protect yourself and your children.

      Please keep posting when you need to. The women on this forum are very supportive and understand what you are going through. You don’t need to go through this alone.

      Best wishes

      Lisa

      Forum Moderator

    • #8059
      Nor82
      Participant

      Thank you soo much for your kind words, I’m not having any contact with him I’ve blocked him on every device and social media, I’ve got court in the morning feeling really nervous I hope his not there. Because of the injunction he can’t come to my property but he wants to get his belongings so his taking me to court to ask for permission if he can come to my house with police to get his things! I’m not sure how this works but I’m so scared of him I can’t bare the thought of seeing or even hearing his voice he makes me feel physicslly sick and my body starts shaking if I think he was coming near me. So it’s a no from me I hope the judge will symphaise with me, I font care who gets he stuff believe me I want it gone just not him I’m not ready or strong enough to deal with him being that close to me. Brings it all back, unfourtunrtly I saw him on Sat I was out shopping and so was he, he walked past and laughed at me how low is that he thinks its funny properly put a smile on his face when he read my ten page statement that he scared me soo much I hate the fact that he knows this too. Thanks again for your advise stay strong ladies xx

    • #8084
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hey Hun

      Swear they r such p****, underneath that hard act sure he is scared, they r just good at covering it, hope all goes in your favour , its normal to have that reaction towards them, stay protected and keep safe

    • #8107
      Confused123
      Participant

      Well done hun,so pleased it went well for u, again yes his just trying to stress u out unnecessarily , keep posting if u need more advice

    • #8116
      Nor82
      Participant

      Thank you, soo proud of myself the look on his face was priceless let him do his worst he has no power over me x

    • #8636
      A-HAfan
      Participant

      Hi someone says that I should tell my
      (age removed by moderator) year old girl what her dad did to me
      But I don’t know if I should or not what
      Do you ladies think?

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