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He has asked me if I still want him to leave. I asked him to go a few days ago after he returned to calling my eldest names banging the seat at him and just being aggressive Infront of all the children making my little girl cry. And calling me names and saying he can’t trust me. He has been better though alot better. He now wants bro know if I still want him to leave as he needs to find some where to go. But he asked me after we had a lovely night together like old times really and the most amazing sex (detail removed) I don’t know if I can do this without him in scared I feel like I need him to comfort me.iv lost so much last year I don’t think I can stand losing anyone else. I really don’t know what to do.
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He’s playing mind games with you and he’s going nowhere, no matter what you say. He’s harming your children. That harm can last a lifetime. If you can’t get rid of him for yourself then do it for your children. You can’t co parent with an abuser. Why do you think he’s asking you now after he’s love bombed you? He knows you’re vulnerable. You have already asked him to leave and he lied to you time and time again. Work on your own self esteem and confidence. You don’t need a man who is destroying the mental health of you and your children. Take that leap of faith and get him out but be prepared for him to show his true nasty colours x
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Thankyou kip you have really helped me me over the last few months always there with the words I need to hear. I know I need to end the relationship it’s so hard to look at his face and say it. He loves me so much and with baby due in a few months it’s going to be hard on my own I really don’t know how I’ll manage. But I think your right. It won’t stop and my kids deserve better.
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It’s a very hard thing to accept but he doesn’t love you. Love doesn’t hurt or destroy you. He loves the power and control he has over you. He loves how he can manipulate you for his own gain. He loves to see you weak and distressed. He gets his highs from your distress. You all deserve so much more than him x there’s another post from a lady who has left her abuser and she can already see a high change in her children in just a matter of days. Children learn from those around them. I do hope you find the strength to show them that they never have to put up with abuse and that their mum was strong enough to set them a good example. If he’s anything like my ex, when baby came along, his abuse escalated as I became more vulnerable. I wish I’d had the peace to enjoy my baby without the horrible things he did to me. Nasty jealous little men. Build a support network around you. Lean on women’s aid x
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Get him to leave before your baby is due.
My abusive ex upped his abuse once our second baby was born, actually he started whilst I was pregnant. He became jealous of the attention and care I gave to my unborn child.
You’ll start nesting soon and will need a calm space to welcome your baby.
Once born, you’ll both need to rest so it’s best not to have a nasty abuser around who will do everything to seek attention from you instead of helping you. And that’s if you’re lucky. He can turn violent and smash things to scare you and distress you to show you his place and ‘importance’ above the baby’s needs.Get support and advice to have him leave your house. Don’t enter discussions with him.
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I don’t think it’s a good idea to do this alone. Can you get him out the house and then change the locks and move his stuff out. I fear for your safety if you’re alone with him and you won’t back down. That’s when violence happens. He will also manipulate you again. Ask for more time like before. They are liars and manipulators. Be prepared for him to threaten you and all sorts so it’s better to get him out first and no doubt you may need to involve the police so be prepared. You know the best thing is to get rid of him but it has to be done safely. Even when you tell him you want him to leave, he’s going nowhere until he’s made to x stay safe.
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Yes pls be careful, it’s the right decision to break off the relationship but abusers don’t go away without drama or fights.
Pls reconsider to do it safely, don’t do it alone, what if he turns violent. Be very careful. Buy time. Ask Women’s Aid for a safe exit strategy.
I’m sorry he made you pregnant against your will, you seem to love it already so it will be fine, the only impossible thing atm is this wasp of an abuser in your house.
Keep safe and keep your phone with you
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I told him and he doesn’t like it but he isn’t belittling me any more.hes not going to call my eldest names or scare him . I’m a good mom and I need to have a happy home for my kids and me how ever long it takes I don’t care that I will be on benefits for a while and have no money I will have my kids and while they are with me they will have a parent who lets them be kids and not make them do chore after chore. Yes they will have to help out but not like they do now. Being a kids is supposed to be fun and happy. Not like this full of upset. Hopefully he will be a better dad away from me and my eldest and give the kids what they deserve. Happiness.
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Your doing the right thing xx my daughter was telling me at an early age he’s not good for us mum. I kept on and we split much later than we should have. It’s a big mistake bringing kids up around an abusive man. It can really damage kids some more than others depending on their personalities xx so don’t doubt your choice xx you sound like a lovely mum 😘
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Diymom@1thankyou I just want them to be happy and I want to be happy I lost so much blast year through family dying five people who ment alot to me passed away. And it feels like IV also lost my husband because I don’t know the person he has became. I’m all alone right now because I can’t go to family they have also lost so much this year so they are going through their own grief wish I could have my life back. Me and husband and kids but it’s not going to happen.
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You can have a better life back, I know it won’t seem like it just now but that’s because of his abuse and brainwashing. Families come in all different shapes, sizes and colours. The most important thing is their safe and happy homes. Use all the help you can to get him out and keep him out. Even if you have to ring the police x
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Good morning Minimrs, I wanted to offer you some support this morning. I know that you are having a make some very difficult decisions and the moment. The others are right, you do sound like such a good mum; you are putting your children’s safety and well being first which is so important.
As you are pregnant at the moment, this is a dangerous time. As others have already said, do try and keep yourself as safe as possible. Your local domestic abuse service can be found here
Do let us know how you are getting on
Best wishes
Lisa
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