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Sorry if i have said this before, but i need to get it out of my head, almoat remind myself why i left.
I had known him for quite a while before we got together. May sound silly but there had been nothing but friendship until a chance meeting on a night out, and it kind of happened. It all then happened very quickly. He was the perfect gentlemen. never pushed to have sex infact never came to my house for first few weeks. Brought me the biggest bunches of flowers, noone had ever brought me flowers! He knocked me of my feet. Within a very short time we were engaged and and married he’d moved in. I couldnt see it then, but that was the turning point. He stopped me seeing a very close friend ‘she waa trying to split us up’! When ever i left the house he was with me 24/7. The rear occassions i went out with out him he’d want to know who i’d seen and what had been said. He’d strat to loose his temper throw things smash things smashed a window. But always insisted he hadnt aimed it at me. He got us in debt, at which point he allowed me to go out to work but on his terms, i nearly lost my job several times. I was told we couldnt get married with secrets so i sat with him and told him everything how i was sexually abused as a child the lot (maybe my big mistake). As I started to try and go out without him, this always got him angry, i got obsessed with remembering all that was said. At some point along the way he started to push me hit me, i always thought he didn’t mean it he just lost control, but he had enough control most of the time to do it where people wouldn’t notice. He’d push me into walls so i’d hit the. Back of my head. Towards the end he wouldn’t care gave me thick lips strangled me i became great with makeup.
He started to tell me what to wear, he’d make me get dressed to go to bed!he always had an obsession with red red underwear nails lipstick. I would look like a cheap tart stockings and things. He’d tell me all day what he wanted to do to me when we went ro bed. Would grop mme all day make me undress in front of windows to see what underwear i had on. Sometimes he’d give me a penny tell me it was payment for later! Sometimes i’d just lay there let him do what he had to do, i’d learnt he didn’t listen whrn i said no, he’d so it Anyway sometimes i’d say no but he still did it. He would always try and take me from behind he knew i didn’t like it new it hurt but forced it anyway, he would hit me during sex but always said it was fun, told me i enjoyed it! I had a major operation he insisted on sex within two weeks, he just didn’t care.
Nothing was ever right or good enough for him, he wouldn’t let me clean so people stopped coming around. The telly would set him off, the slightest thing. He’d tell me i wouldn’t cope on my own if i left he’d keep the children threatened suicid if i asked him to leave. When we did leave he threatened my friends me threatened arson, my friend is now having to move! He took overdoses.Now i strugle to cope wonder if i’d be better going home worry if he’s coping in prison. I blame may if i’d been a better person been better in bed more willing to try not annoyed him not made him angry. I see him hear him feel him everyday.
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Oh hun, they are all the same worthless sh… Please do not blame yourself for anything that has happened. He is a terrible piece of sh… by what you write and he deserves to be in prison.
Whatever he did was his decision. He sounds similarly sick as my ex, with the sex and underwear and groping and exposure at windows and not allowing you to clean the house. My ex also watched lots of porn and he injured me for life.
I wish castration would be a method of punishment for abusive men.
Whatever you tried it was never enough. That is how they function. Their aim is to humiliate us and the best way to do this is through sex. That hits our core existence and destroys our self confidence. These sick b… thrive on this.
My ex would never be happy if I initiated something, it always had to be him on his terms and that was violent and sickening. Of course it developed over time. They never do this when the relationship is in the beginning stages. They want us to get married fast so that they have us in their claws.
Try to look into your future. Of course will the trauma stay with you. But nevertheless, try to make plans what you want to do this summer, in the next year, how you want to develop, what jobs you want to do, …..
I am glad I moved far away. I have not seen that area with the bad memories again and I intend to stay away from it for many years.
I hope you have a safe place to stay and you can stay there for good. A new area helps the healing to some extent. I did not tell anyone what happened to me. It is a fresh start on neutral ground.
Hang in there! x*x -
Thankyou ayanne. It is right what you say, the sex thing hurts me far more than any of the physical attacks. It’s funny occassionally if he hadnt had sex for awhile and i knew he was building up i’d try an initiate it just to get it over with, but he never wanted it if i initiated it always had to be on his terms
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Hi inneedosomepeace, sorry to read your story but thanks for sharing it with us. He sounds like a vile, evil rotten man and deserves to be where he is in prison.
Don’t ever blame yourself, it would never have mattered how hard you tried with this man. Nothing would have ever been good enough. We all have faults and annoying habits but in a healthy relationship we learn to accept each other warts and all. I know the thoughts you mention well “if only I had done this or that, would it have made a difference?”. “Was he justified in treating me the way he did?” “Did I ask for it?”. Even though our logic tells us that we were not to blame, sometimes we have been so conditioned by them that we doubt ourself.
Your words ‘worry if he’s coping in prison’ shows how kind and caring you are. You are a good person and never deserved the treatment he gave you. Nobody does XX
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Martian29
Thankyou for your kind words. I ofton think it must be me must be something i have donr/do to be treated like i was in my childhood and then in my marriage also. I do worry so much how he is coping in prison, but i also picture him sitting in his cell plottibg revenge! Some days i find it so hard to deal with the day to day going tasks. I find it hard to cope with my youngest child as looking at them just reminds me of what he did to me, they were concieved through the abuse, i just feel lucky now that as he would put it ‘i’m pathetic’ up until h
The day i left he wanted me pregnant again, but thankfully i don’t get pregnant very easily! I know if i was pregnant i’d never have left, maybe he knew that to. -
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