I need your perspective on a behaviour I Don’t understand

[Hereforhelp]

I need some opinions please and some real honesty (be blunt as I am autistic and do not always get hidden meanings)

I have been seeing someone for a while (i eventually enjoyed being single after abusive marriage then got involed with a friend) ..

I tend to end our relationship when we fall out…i am aware it is to do with PTSD (which I take medication for). When I understood this I explained it to him not to excuse myself but to own my s**t, they said they understood… I no longer end it as I am learning to regulate my emotions..which had been stunted within my abusive marriage..

Question…we fell out, one of the things they said to me in a message was that he now has a supportive woman in his life and the difference was amazing. Those words lead me to believe he was in a romantic relationship!

This really hurt my heart but I said that I am glad they have moved on and I wish them happiness … they got back in touch at some point saying they hadn’t moved on… I stupidly didn’t think to ask about new supportive partner comment which I now know wasn’t true. …. i do not understand this behavour.. why would he say that or if it was said to you in a break up would you think he meaant a new partner?…we didn’t communicate for weeks and I again started to enjoy my own company … but now i want to address things said that have wounded me.. as I learn to regulate I am becoming more aware of things which have hurt me and I want to address… but

We got back together, had some nice dates…but the break up wasn’t discussed..I still had emotional wounds and they did too. I feel issues are unresolved and I cannot go on like that.

I get called dramatic if I bring up how I feel. It feels like I am being shut down.. but I am not used to saying my feelings or needs out loud and I sometimes feel self aware, as if I am going on about me, me, me… it is a strange mix as I have the right to say my needs.

Writing this on here makes me think something is wrong… the new support comment baffled me as I do not understand why anyone would say that or have I missed

In my heart of hearts I need to go back to being single…for now… as I feel anxious about him.. we were Friends for some years beforehand which is why I need your honest opinion please.

HFH ❤️

[Chocolatebunnie]

Hi HFH

Straight to the point, your gut feeling, you’re not comfortable and neither of you have discussed the breakup.

For me I feel you are better of alone for now. Sounds like he’s not communicating well enough and you are still working on you.

Try bringing up the breakup and if he’s a genuine friend he will want to sort things out and talking should be comfortable. If you’re anxious I would say either it’s still too soon or possibly not the right guy, it should be natural and comfortable.

Keep him as a friend until you know more how you feel

I’m not sure if I understand properly but did he lie there was a new woman in his life?

Look after you, don’t rush things.

CB X

[Hereforhelp]

Hey CB, I agree on needing to be alone to carry on building up my own confidence and self worth…
He said he now had a supportive woman in his life and the difference (meaning between her and me) is amazing… he wanted me to support him more than I was able to, i supported him as much as i could.. I am in the middle of legal s**t re divorce, moving from family home and I feel derailed…I haven’t felt like this in a long time, anxiety ridden and I feel on guard as having to face my ex 😳
I agree with you, it is too soon..I have much work to do with recovering from abuse…
Thanks CB xx

[Chocolatebunnie]

Yes you’re right and you need support from someone this really doesn’t sound like he is. You’re going through a massive amount besides your past.

I agree with nbumblebee there are many red flags. I say avoid or stand way back for a while.

If it’s meant to be I feel it should be easy. Life’s tough enough without complicated relationships.

Sending you hugs 🥰

CB x*x

[nbumblebee]

Mmmm Im the worst person to say this but I see red flags here.
To me it sounded like he had moved on or wanted you to believe he had then changed his mind for whatever reason. He sounds like he is playing around. When we have suffered abuse and been subject to (detail removed by Moderator) abuse then we often can find we attract that sort of person when we dont mean too.
Your gut is right you hold that trust in yourself you know now you really do deep down you know you are right. Stay away heal yourself first the rest im sure will come. Xxxxxx

[Hereforhelp]

Nbumblebee, you are right, there are red flags aren’t there.. I was trying to ignore them… again…argh! Certain behaviours are normal for me or familiar x*x

[nbumblebee]

Me too you are not alone. My counsellor has warned me that she thinks maybe just maybe my PT who is helping me through this may have n traits i feel so stupid to be sucked in time and time again but she says its because we are conditioned we are hurt and we just want to be loved we just cant see it for ourselves. You have done the right thing by coming here and asking so you should be so proud of yourself there. I think deep down this time you did see you have just got to trust yourself and thats way harder than it sounds.
HFH you are doing amazing and im so proud of you. To me you are an inspiration so keep moving foward sweetie its a slow slow train but at least you are on it going the right way.
Xx

[Hereforhelp]

I explained to him I was unhappy with how he was speaking to me …I didn’t attack, just explained and pointed out…guess what? He ignored that and went on about how I caused his reaction! I have learned this isn’t healthy so… I blocked, there’s no point engaging with him when he takes no responsibility. He did lie, there was bo new anyone, it was said purely for effect to make me think he was with someone new who was more supportive than me… time to reflect, move on and concentrate on the months ahead.

Love you ladies ❤️
This is my only safe space to ask questions and share without judgement
HFH ❤️

[Chocolatebunnie]

HFH you’re always there for others 🩷

For now, it sounds like you had a gut reaction so you posted on here. That’s really good thing.

He’s now shown his true self and you’ve escaped something that really seems unhealthy for you. Definitely avoid this one. His reaction said it all. Sorry it hasn’t worked out but it’s definitely for the best 🥰

Hope you had a good Mother’s Day 🩷

CB X

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