This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  lover of no contact 3 months, 3 weeks ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #84463
     SweetDisposition 
    Participant

    My own mam actually talks to me like I’m less of a person because of the abuse I’ve experienced… I know it’s wrong, but she’s really hit a nerve. I was trying to explain to her that unconditional positive regard is important for children and her response was “well you never deserved any”…

  • #84464
     AlwaysSorry 
    Participant

    Oh this is just heartbreaking to read. You absolutely deserved unconditional love and positive regard. What a hurtful and damaging thing to say to your own daughter. You are not less of a person because of the abuse you have endured. I think it’s so wonderful that you want to do what is best for yours and I’m so sorry that your mother used that to put you down. You did not deserve that at all x

  • #84485
     lover of no contact 
    Participant

    Hi Sweet Disposition,

    I would limit contact with your mum without it being obvious; keep conversation topics with her to the weather. It’s like going to the hardware store expecting to get bread. It aint gonna happen. Ur mum uses words to hurt you. She knows she’s hurting you by the look on ur face; but she still continues. She doesn’t care about ur hurt feelings due to her words all she cares about is her feeling satisfied at having cut u to the core. Sounds like she has a sick personality (I’ve been reading ur other posts and I recognize the pattern from ur mums patterns and behaviors; as my mum had the same abusive patterns and behaviors). I would try to go minimum contact with her. I know you can’t go full No Contact as ur mum minds ur little one due to the court order. But if in the house with ur mum try and limit contact with her without it being obvious. If she in the kitchen; you have Sth to do in the garden etc. Keep conversations to weather topic only. After her response to ur normal conversation she only deserved ‘weather conversation from now on.”

    Keep posting for each and every thing that ur mum, your ex and the social workers are putting you through. It’s not you!! You’re just being outnumber by abusers and enablers if abusers. Keep posting, keep reading the posts as much as you can; reach out to Women’s Aid so you can get ur little one in ur day to day care without having to have contact with ur ex and ur mum.

    You are amazing and have such strength to be surviving dealing with this on top of grieving the death of ur other little child.

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