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After feeling strong as I got some support I am suddenly doubting myself, again and feel so bad for husband.. why, because I let him come over for a few hours to see our poorly child. Husband was meek and non aggressive. I told him where children and I would be for Christmas, he didn’t say anything for a bit, then he looks sad and says how he will be alone for Christmas and will volunteer or something… then he shows me how he is helping himself, how he is different now as he is actually doing XYZ, which he I’d but it all feels fake, wrong, doesn’t add up.
I don’t understand how I can be back doubting myself after feeling so strong, I can’t get out of bed today. Sorry, bad day today. Sorry to rant -
Abusers are master manipulators they encourage us to use our own feelings against our better judgement to help them get what they want, I get why your confused cos these two things don’t go together abuser/volunteer, we ignored our instincts in the beginning cos we wanted to see the best in people, we may have even felt sorry for them cos do lay stories on thick for pities manipulation sake, there’s reasons why he’s on his own for Christmas and why he’s not in yours and your children’s lives anymore remember what they are 💖💛💜
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I agree with Auriel 100%. My ex was committing suicide, claiming depression, promising change, promising mountains of gold, begging to see kids, proclaiming eternal love for me and my children , crying how much I destroyed his life… my guilt was so big, that I cried at night feeling guilty because I hurt a human being.
Then out of guilt, started being nice only to be either lurked into relationship and controlled and abused again or alternatively to be named w…., sl.., bi…, co.. sucker, to be threatened to be reported here and there etc.
It took me long time to realise he doesn’t even care about my girls as much and when they are at his care he doesn’t even properly spend time with them but only looking to get the information about me and my life (very happy life which makes him even more petty); any information to try to control me and tell me what to do. It took me a long time to understand that he DOESN’T CARE and it frustrates him because he’s lost CONTROL.
And after I understood all this and saw his real face I honestly lost any sympathy left and you know what? I DON’t CARE! And this is the best feeling ever!
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