It’s historical… the relationship ended years ago but I’ll never be able to accept it was abuse because I always provoked him.
The only times he physically laid his hands on me was when I stood in the door to try and stop him from leaving… he wasn’t just walking out to cool off- it was always that he was dumping me, packing his bags and leaving, sometimes I’d sit or stand by the door and beg him not to leave- so he’d put his hands around my throat etc… once he dragged me back into the (removed by moderator) by the throat and smashed a glass above my head but in context- I’d always wound him up before
If someone smaller and less able to fight back wound you up, like a child, would you grab them by the throat? He’s responsible for his behaviour. You are not responsible for his behaviour. Or even if someone your own size wound you up, would you grab them by the throat and drags them by the hair. Stop carrying his guilt because then he won’t have to 💕