I really am a terrible person

[nbumblebee]

I really am rotten im feeling so bad today.
We had our friends round and my husband was fowl really nasty and my friend said to me that this couldnt go on she noticed she said she can see how badly he is grinding me down i almost cried with relief as she saw. Then (detail removed by Moderator) her (detail removed by Moderator) was admitted into hospital and now has a horrible condition that needs to be managed. Im helping her as much as she needs we are close but she has an amazing support network still i am by her side.
My heart is broken for her. But yet because i am a terrible selfish rotten person im also so sad that now our conversation will be forgotten and im back to square one in my own life.
This happened b4 I found some courage to tell her that he was getting nasty and trying to stop me from working she said that he would get used to it and we talked but a week later she lost her (detail removed by Moderator) and it was forgotten now nearly (detail removed by Moderator) years later she saw and we spoke briefly again but now she has much more important things to worry about. She has had such a eough time and I am there for her completly but im sitting here feeling so terribly low as it feels like one step foward 10 back for one night I saw a small glimmer of light of hope but its been taken away again. Im such a b***h for thinking of myself so selfish and I feel terrible about it. My husband is all nice again pulling together to help our friends as he says but Im sure it wont last long and i feel so bad for thinking that too.
I really am rotten.

[tiredofitall]

Oh honey, don’t be so hard on yourself. You saw some hope and now you feel disappointed. That’s totally normal. It doesn’t make you a bad person. You are clearly doing all you can to support your friend.
The problem with holding all our secrets in is that people don’t really know how we suffer every day. I didn’t tell my closest friend all the horrible days I’ve had until after I left.
And sometimes I felt frustrated that no-one was there for me – and I always was there for them. Bur looking back, I can see that they couldn’t be there because I didn’t let them in.
I’m not saying that is the case with your friend but I guess I hoped they’d see / read the room without me having to say anything but that just wasn’t the case.
Please don’t be hard on yourself, it’s hard to keep going but you are. x

[nbumblebee]

Thank you I hadnt thought of it this way. X

[minimeerkat]

nbumblebee, whats going on? have you abandoned your friend when she really needs you? no. so absolutely no need for any feeling bad about yourself. maybe your partner makes you feel this way (rotten) in your relationship if so, please dont believe a word of it.
you saw an opportunity to open up to your friend (again), believing you would be supported & understood – which would have made you feel much less alone. it would have helped you so much, naturally you feel frustrated & upset. feeling this way is perfectly normal, so please dont think otherwise.
i could understand if you had forced or insisted that she still listen to your heartbreak even though shes going through such a really difficult time herself! but all youve done is put your own needs away because you want to be there for her – how selfless is that.
there will be another opportunity. now that the truth of your situation has been mentioned again, it hopefully wont completely leave your friends mind. she might be very preoccupied for a while initially, but if she cares about you (like you care for her) then she might just bring the subject up again out of concern for you.
so dont give up hope just yet x

[nbumblebee]

Thank you x

[Hereforhelp]

Hi nbumblebee… you most definitely are not a bad person… I also wanted to give a different perspective…

This year I have had so many traumas, I mum died in awful circumstances, my (detail removed by Moderator) has been diagnosed with something awful life long, all whilst trying to divorce my abusive ex and all which comes with that… I tell you this as some friends who were there at first and I mean long term close friends, have told me.that they do not want to talk about their lives as I have too much going on… I wish they would open up like they used to as it makes me feel like I have nothing to offer only the misery of this year…

What I am trying to say is your friend might appreciate you talking to her again, she wouldn’t have forgotten and maybe she’s waiting for you to speak to her?.. just another angle xx

You wouldn’t be on here if you were a bad person, you wouldn’t care if you were a b***h.. you care a lot nbumblebee and blame yourself… that’s a lot for anyone to carry.

Massive hugs ❤️
HfH

[Darknessallaround]

You never could be a rotten person @nbumblebee, so please stop with the self flagellation. It’s only natural to feel sad that your friends attention is now focused on pressing issues in her own life. But that doesn’t make you a bad person. You find it hard to reach out to anyone and let them know the truth of how things really are, so it’s totally understandable that you are feeling let down. You have been and still are, there for your friend, and I’m sure in time, she will still be there for you. It’s just circumstances and bad timing.
Please give yourself a break.

[Better-days]

Don’t feel bad youv not done a thing wrong . You’re a human being it’s normal to think like this. You are alllowed to have feeling and that does not in anyway make you selfish.
Well done for reaching out tho it takes courage. In time the conversation your friend will no doubt continue hang in there 👍

[nbumblebee]

@Better-days @Darknessallaround @Hereforhelp @minimeerkat Thank you and Thank you everyone I didnt mention your words mean alot, Im so sorry I didnt mean to sound like a winge I just feel like I get so far I find that little bit of courage to say actually no Im not ok and then its taken away by other circumstances it feels like the world agrees with me that im stupid and that this is not abuse that I should just stop that its all me inside my head and that i dont deserve help. And i know that sounds like im feeling sorry for myself I really am not I cant explain it very well it just feels like life keeps telling me to shut up. Does that make sense at all?

[Hiya@]

Hello nbumblebee,
Ahh sorry your friend can’t currently be there for you, but she will be I’m sure. It’s just timing and you are definitely not a bad person. Friends do remember, but it’s not always easy to hear what we say is it. But saying out loud to someone your truth is a huge step, you are very brave. Sending hugs x*x

[nbumblebee]

Thanks I didnt tell her not this time so I was not brave she saw and asked if he was always that bad and that i couldnt carry on that way. Ive been by her side all week helping her as much as I can. Things are getting better for her maybe one day when it all calms down we can talk again but I still feel i missed my chance again. X

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