I reported his behaviour. Now what?

[Popilol]

So I’ll try and keep it short. He walked out like I meant nothing (mainly because I don’t, I can see that now) a few months ago. Since then he has reported me to everyone you can imagine to get me in trouble and has hounded the police with false allegations of me harassing him. So I asked for help from the police to stop him. NOTHING they done nothing! I then said it was controlling and coercive behaviour which meant they had to investigate it and they sent someone out. A MALE pc turned up to ask questions. I didn’t feel comfortable talking to him about sexual abuse so I left that but out. He wasn’t knowledgeable about abuse and couldn’t answer any of my questions. As he left, he said he’s been to my house years ago because of an old abusive ex. I said I must be bad at picking men. His response shook me ‘what do you do to these men to make them mad?’
Now seriously… what sort a heartless response is that?
So Iv heard nothing since, no one has taken a statement. I have piles of evidence of abuse and the police have told me it’s abuse. Why is no one doing anything??

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Popilol, that was utterly thoughtless of that officer to say that. You could report him to his senior officer but not sure what could be said to get then to sit up and take notice. It really is a man’s world still😪 could you contact the police again asking to speak to someone trained in how to deal with cases of DA, preferably a female officer. I’m not sure if you could print off what you’ve written on here or if it’s allowed(could you maybe help out with this @Lisa) the content of your conversations would give the officer some insight into how you’ve been treated.
It makes me so angry that even though we’re told that DA is 4th highest in call outs to the police that there are still officers who think like this.
We know the truth of how they’ve treated us over the years, going to the doctor has backed up many of our stories. I hope you get the last word against your abusereventually.
IWMB 💕💕

[KIP.]

That policeman’s response is outrageous. Please ask to speak to a domestic abuse female police officer. I would also make a complaint about that officer. That will get their attention. I’ve found that it’s whoever shouts the loudest that gets heard. So ring back and ask to speak to a sergeant or inspector in the domestic abuse department. Meantime speak to rape crisis and women’s aid. They may have an advocacy worker who can guide you on the reporting process. Please don’t give up. Your statement could be vital for other women. My ex acted exactly like yours. (detail removed by Moderator) when they think their behaviour is about to be exposed they will do absolutely everything to discredit you. To make others think you’re mentally ill or the guilty one. Then they can play the victim. The psychology would be fascinating if it wasn’t so terrifying being on the receiving end.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you. I had an unsympathetic male officer come out once and I now have a caution for defending myself. My ex got away Scott free.

[Popilol]

I have emailed a female police officer (detail removed by Moderator). What makes me so angry is that she has spoken to him, but not me. She interviewed him at the start, but I have only spoken to Male officers and not one of them was trained in domestic abuse so explaining gas lighting etc was a waste of time. I just sit here and wait for the next thing to happen… the next allegation he makes, the next abuse to happen! He tried to discredit me and make me look like the guilty party. HE is the victim in his eyes and he wants everyone to see it.

[HopeLifeJoy]

Very brave of you to try to report him, well done.
Unbelievable unacceptable behaviour from the police officer. I am really sorry he didn’t treat you with respect and in a professional manner.
Don’t do this by yourself. Your weight is too light against your ex and the police. Both aren’t respecting you and that is fertile ground for more abuse.
Go tell others. Involve women’s aid for support on how to deal with this issue.
I have experienced that when you come with references and support from an official organisation you are helped and when you do it alone you are dismissed.
Surround yourself with as much help from domestic abuse specialist outside the police unit and make your statement stick. You have to have equal footing in this fight otherwise you loose. If the police appears to be leaning on your ex’s side you have to gather support on your side.
Wishing you good luck and keep your head up, you are doing great!

[Popilol]

That is exactly what I am doing. He has messed with the wrong woman as I am finding myself again and I am one strong cookie. I will put him for the n********t that he is. Furthermore… I am doing this for any woman that he manipulates into being with him in the future. He cannot and will not get away with his behaviour. I have reported the officer. To be fair the women officers have been very supportive. I have so much evidence against him and his evidence is just slander and not backed up with any evidence at all.

[KIP.]

You’re going to need stamina. Abusers have huge amounts of stamina so pace yourself. Every time he lies he digs a bigger hole for himself. You just have to sit back and watch the show. Easier said than done I know but I have been where you are. It’s exhausting and everything goes at a snails pace. Don’t put your life on hold over this. Keep moving forward with positive aspects of your life. Keep yourself well fed, watered, grounded, get sleep, get support from others who have gone through this. Keep a journal and keep filling it with notes and thoughts, dates and times, witnesses and any evidence you can think of. Lots of tlc for yourself too x

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