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Hi ladies.
I am so confused. I told my oh that I wasn’t happy and had thought about separating and he totally freaked out and has changed overnight.
It has been like this for about (detail removed by Moderator) weeks now.
He tells me he loves me all the time, follows me everywhere, if I am in the loo for longer than one minute he calls me asking if I am ok. He watches what I’m doing on my phone, hugs and kisses me all the time, asks me questions, stares at me with puppy dog eyes.
Problem is, I can’t get on board with it. I either still feel resentful about the past, don’t believe the niceness will last or the romantic feeling has just gone.
He has been encouraging me to talk about my feelings and I have been trying to be honest about how I feel. Largely he has actually responded calmly to this, however when he heard something he didn’t like the other day he punched the wall and stormed out the house.
I am feeling quite suffocated and claustrophobic and guilty. I think it has highlighted just how hard it would be to actually leave. When I pull away, he holds tighter.
Just looking for any similar experiences. Should.I just swallow the resentment and go along with it? I feel so trapped. -
Hi Dragon,
They are perfect actors and play their roles with just one purpose – not to allow you to quit.
If you are feeling uncomfortable, you have the full right to feel uncomfortable. Same as to talk about your feelings.
His reaction to this just proving whatever he is saying, it’s still part of the game and manipulative techniques he uses.
It will be hard to leave.
It always escalates as if something doesn’t work, they go further and try new ways to hold you tighter.
But there is no other way. It will never be nice, calm and happy with him. Never. -
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I second what Dustypink said. Ditto. It’s all a manipulative game. He’s just trying new tactics, that’s all. Confusion is never a good sign because basically it’s you going against what you already know to be true. The puppy dog eyes almost made me hurl reading the words. He has one aim and one aim only, to get what he wants from you. It’s not about loving you, caring about whether you fell in while in the loo or anything else except whatever is best for him. Pathetic really. This isn’t a man being a real “man”. I know some real men and he’s not that, not even close. So if I were you, I’d smile and nod and make your exit plan. He is also monitoring you now so you are going to have to be very smart about what you do. You seriously don’t want to live your life like this, do you? Think about your life without all this and see if there is one ounce of pain and confusion in it? That’s all removed other than what life normally throws at us but largely here all that is coming straight from him. And I know you know that….. Thing to remember, too, is IF someone is actually the kind of person that is empathetic, has good moral fiber, character, integrity, is responsible for their own actions – they won’t need someone to threaten to leave them to see what they are doing, have done and change all by themselves. Anytime I hear of a man doing this I have to laugh, because how come he didn’t think to himself while being a total jerk to you day in and day out that Hark!!! I’m treating her like dirt! What is wrong with me? But he didn’t and these men don’t. They just change their tactics up on you and put you right back into spin once more. Do not be fooled. And like you said here yourself, the harm has already been done. You don’t feel it for him anymore and who would? You have that right. And he did all this, he did. So now it’s consequences time. There needs to be no confusion here at all. Trust your gut, trust your heart and move on in life without all this noise. He thinks he’s quite the little entertainer, doesn’t he? Well, he can go find someone else to entertain, con and make miserable, yes?
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Thank you for your responses. I think I am doubting he was ever abusive at all right now, he is being very self reflective and I just feel sorry for him and like it’s my fault for not getting on board and trying to fix it.
I just feel like a robot, responding to his advances but I can’t throw myself in. Hs has gone from hardly ever commenting on my appearance to telling me about 20 times a day how beautiful I am. I sound so ungrateful that I’m not into it!
@Deepwithin I have PM’d you x*x -
He is reeling you back in here, you do see that, right? You are being his robot then, his slave. Then who feels sorry for you? You need to because this isn’t a one person thing going on, it’s a two person thing but it seems to be all about – him and he’s feeling and doing and you’re responsible for everything and “you” need to fix it all….. do you see how really messed up that is? What is – is right in front of you. You are a robot if you keep doing his bidding. Your self identity is all about him, not you. You seem to be an appendage of who he is as if you are tied to him to feed on and dragged behind him like a piece of food source. He’s charming you, once again. Charming you so you will obedient and get back into your prison cell and be oh so grateful to get a crumb and then to tell him how wonderful he is because he didn’t kick you as hard as he did the day before.
You are here……….because you know all of this isn’t okay…. You are trapped and confused because you believe you aren’t doing your job well enough as far as – serving his needs. Don’t you have a life? Don’t you have wants and desires and needs of your own? Because being with him is not going to make that ever happen. He’s abusive. You know that. It’s time for you to self care here and stop being confused with all his lies and charm. But only you can want out of this. As long as you allow yourself to be a food source to him, he will continually stick his fangs in your neck like the vampire he is and use you up until all of you is gone. Is that okay with you?
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I think he is genuinely trying to fix it but it has put me in the position of the one who is causing the problem because I am not going along for the ride willingly. Being stubborn. I wonder how long he will tolerate that for xx
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Hey Dragon, read your post and thought…? I had same experience and flowers sent to me too! by special delivery service. You mentioned when you told him you thought about leaving he changed overnight!? Have you considered? The fact that he watches you on your phone put that together with your comments about maybe leaving? &…he thinks maybe? And is worried! you may have met someone online! That’s why your thinking of leaving? Wouldn’t it be too much for him? to realise? that even if that was the case? It might be because of him? Instead your being online, being here, looking for help! My OH actually thought that! As I was trying to cover being on here! So he didn’t see, kept turning my phone away from him seeing and I was spending a lot more time online suddenly! That’s what the flowers turned out to be about, he asked me after, have you found someone else online? Being on here, can bring its own problems too! If your not careful!
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