6th June 2016 at 3:38 pm #18678betterdaysParticipant
Couples and family’s sat in the beer gardens on days like these. And I think I would love to be in that situation but my ex hardly ever took me out. He used to speak about me go to the bone about me to the idiots he knew so I had to go out alone for nearly 2 decades I felt so neglected x
6th June 2016 at 4:11 pm #18679HealthyarchiveBlocked
I feel the same Betterdays. I see couples on the TV and in the news etc, they look genuinely happy, connected, in tune with each other and normal. I have never had that and it is sad. I was with my ex for some time, I can count on one hand the number of times he took me out or made me feel special. I felt like a worthless piece of nothing when I were with him. If we went out I always paid half (ok, I’m independent and don’t mind going dutch) but as a woman it is nice to be taken out every so often and treated. He never ever took me for a meal, the cinema, walk in the country. For those things to happen I would have to make all of the arrangements, pay for myself and he would moan, complain or do something to bring the date down. I would love to have a normal happy relationship. Sad thing is I cannot get him out of my mind and move on.
6th June 2016 at 4:30 pm #18682NotCrazyParticipant
It makes you feel sad doesn’t it from all you have missed out on being in that relationship 🙁
Mine is the same, I love to go out for meals, drinks, walks etc but he never wants to.
Last weekend I went to the beach with my daughters, without him, and had the most wonderful day 🙂
Perhaps go out with a friend or family member to a beer garden, distance yourself emotionally and things start to look so much clearer. You can have good days without him 🙂
6th June 2016 at 10:50 pm #18698StarmoonParticipant
I know how you feel. It’s so hard seeing happy families. I was at the town park with my children the other day and there were so many happy families. My ex by contrast did used to take us to places and did ‘spoil’ us… He made big gestures to show he was the perfect family man… But only if I’d behaved exactly as he wanted me to. Most recently he attacked me in a hotel on my birthday. In the past he abandoned me in another country on holiday with no money or phone for two days… All because I’d been apparently ungrateful and once he ended it with me whilst on a family day out at a town festival.. Because I was being moody (note I was heavily pregnant, hot and tired). Non of those sat as fun family days out… I have to remind myself that I don’t want a ‘family day’ with him!
I find myself observing other families and especially my friends… Watching how they interact and deal with falling out. If a friend snaps at her husband (or visa versa)or one of them is in a mood… The relationship isn’t over, and she isn’t beaten up for it either. It’s dealt with and forgotten.
Sorry for waffling. I know all of this is so private and confidential but I often wish we could meet and be each other’s company on the days we feel lonely and like no one els understands x
6th June 2016 at 11:40 pm #18701SerenityParticipant
Someone once told me that everyone had their crosses to bear in different ways.
Though this isn’t always helpful when you are feeling traumatised by abuse ( you need your experience validated!), I try to think of this when I see families together. I have even found myself feeling upset and bereft when my friends talk about the nice things they are doing as a family- their husband was never as unkind as mine- what did I do to deserve this, etc? However, I read that 75% of people go through some huge trauma in their life. Only 25% are lucky enough to escape this. I suppose trauma can come in many forms.
Also, my friends told me that, when we were in public, we seemed so happy, that my ex seemed so,attentive, etc. However, out of the public eye he was completely different.
I wonder how many of those families have abuse at home, or at least excessive control? I pray that those apparently happy people continue to be happy, but – without wanting to be pessimistic – I wonder how many of them will experience some form of control or abuse at some time, or infidelity, or heartbreak?
It can be so hard for us seeing families happy after what we have been through. But maybe our experience has made us even more sure of what we do and don’t want in our lives, what truly makes us happy. We need to go after those things, and cut out anything else.
Time will lessen the pain.
7th June 2016 at 1:17 am #18702Falling SkysParticipant
Hi like many have written before my abuser wouldn’t do anything with me unless paid.
I look at these couples/family’s that there are descent men about. But also scepticism as to many people thought we were the perfect couple.
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