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    • #42368
      Nova
      Participant

      OH Ladies, Im really nervous. Ive had a hell of a few weeks…trying to avoid this and keep NC… I asked a lawyer re the property (detail removed by moderator) talk about anxiety level through the roof. still sleepless nights in limbo as one of you ladies said…so true. Caught between a rock and a hard place.

      (detail removed by moderator) after more night stress I just thought I’m going to try this …so I sent (detail removed by moderator)  a text (as hes in touch with him) asking could he ask him (as they as such good buddys ..makes me sad and dissapointed) to please get moving with the property, I thought he will listen to him , not me! Unbelievable, these abusers. My sister finds it crazy that he wont just be a decent human being, and why do I have to be dragged through all this, I thought oh my you do not know the half of it!

      (detail removed by moderator)

      So I just thought right this is it, like when I told him to get out, I’m writing the ‘get it sorted’ letter to my ex. I was to the point about 6 lines, these are the options, we need to move forward, as you haven’t attempted to resolve this matter.

      I’m relieved I sent it, now it will show in writing that he hasnt done anything about it, and I have.
      depending on this,we either come to an agreement, or we both incur cost of a lawyer, (yea we BOTH incur cost…hes not forcing me to pay just because he cannot be bothered to face his responsibilities, and consequences of his actions, whether he likes it or not. I will keep going.

      PHew I cant concentrate now, its taken all my focus away from normality…thats what trauma does.
      Cx

    • #42444
      Nova
      Participant

      Thank G…he replied …sounded ‘ normal’ that obviously means nothing to me…heard all that before, hoovering…it’s not going to happen. I’m pleased I told my brother…2 lines to say he was sorting it ASAP. Umm let’s see, somehow I doubt that. It’s his reason for living to be difficult, and make my life as miserable as possible, the smiling assassin.

      + They don’t like assertive women, at all! even if they pretend they do (in reality they’re scared of women & are deeply misogynist) when assertive behaviour any tiny demand is made of them, or even imagined!

      Find it quite eye opening …that they are so intimidated really, but show their real sevens only through aggression intimidation ignorance exclusion…all those negative characteristics.
      The rest, the laughing smiling man, he’s a fake.

      Thanks for listening ladies, keep moving forward and being true to your self.

      Cx

    • #42478
      Serenity
      Participant

      Hi Cuppa-

      You’re dead right: they are misogynistic and need to control women with intimidation, aggression, exclusion etc.

      My ex is meant to go through my solicitor, but sometimes texts my mum directly. At times, he’s (fake) reasonable, but I know this is him just trying to lull me into a false sense of security. He’s ruthless underneath.

      I would say don’t trust his apparent cooperation for one second. Protect yourself and don’t forget what he’s capable of.

      I suppose your communication will prove that you’ve tried to get things moving. Keep all texts and emails as evidence- even the ones he sends your relative.

    • #42487
      Nova
      Participant

      Yes Serenity…right on…I will be keeping it all..no doubt it will drag out, and I’ll be chasing!:)

      Cx

    • #43003
      Nova
      Participant

      …here I am with the continuing and emotionally wounding saga which continues to wreck my life.
      He replied twice, to my letter, first saying he wanted the matter sorted ASAP…then came the twisted version, of my few lines [detail removed by moderator)
      ..basically accusing me of lying, that he had wanted to sort out the house, and I was wrong,( of course I am…not) to say he didn’t and wrong to say he hadn’t attempted to sort it out.
      He hasn’t done a thing about this matter, to move forward, nothing.
      He also said, I must do what I have to (when I mentioned the other options of getting lawyers…which I can’t afford)
      Now I’m doubting myself, you know that feeling…of course you do…the one where it’s buzzing around in your head and I can’t think straight, everything else goes, all my normal abilities fly away and he’s looming a dark ugly presence, in my mind, like I’m the one at fault. We all know their manipulating tactics.

      I said to his daughter, I’m advised not to contact him, ( trying to get her to chivvy him)
      I understand NC and am a firm believer in it, however this is about moving on, and is a big financial hurdle ( now he’s saying He shouldn’t contact me!!!!) Er the fact that he’s sitting in our house is a good enough reason…so he’s playing games, nothing new.

      So I’m no further forward, now it’s keeping me awake at night, again. Back to square one as its now, me in the email loop…which no doubt, he’s enjoying every minute of.

      I need the next email to be worded differently, I’m stuck, I’m getting really anxious about it, feel controlled, it’s triggering. It’s like he’s breaking me down again, like he can, so that he’s in control to keep my assests, he just takes ownership of whatevers positive.all a big game back and forth round and round.
      He hasn’t done one thing to sort out this situation, and he’s saying he has, not true. I’m just totally sick of it, he wants me to give up, and hand over all that investment on a plate to him, and he hasn’t got a care in the world.
      I cannot let that happen, I’m worth more than that leech.

      Words fail me, I’m speechless! But I have to fight back, what can I say! To keep to the point?? Without this torture, it’s so distracting, I need to get on with my life. He is the past.

      Hugs Cx

    • #43008
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hey there. Nothing you can say to him will sort this out. He will twist, distract, delay, blame, manipulate etc etc. My advice is to cut him out the loop and go straight to a good solicitor. Go to court asap and let the court sort things out. He will give you nothing and as you can see, any contact with him is a toxic waste of time. Do not engage. You can ring right for women free for legal advice and most solicitors offer free initial advice. Find out where you stand legally. Your energy is wasted dealing directly with an abuser. And they love it!

    • #43009
      Suntree
      Participant

      From his reply he has now given you a few bits of written info for you to use.
      Keep the replies.

      First he has told you he is happy for you to do what you have to do.
      You have already told him that you will be bringing in legal and sharing the costs.

      Second he has told you that he wants the house sold. This is also important for legal.

      Thirdly he has agreed he is not to contact you directly, again in order to get the house moved on you need legal.

      All in all you now have a way forward in which he has agreed to and wants.

      The cost of legal should come out of any house sale before it is split.

      And by agreeing with you to take the lead, (not so many words) it will be your legal team and the Estate agents you deal with that should now be moving on selling the house.

      You won’t and shouldn’t now have to have anything to do with him, they should deal with handling all the viewings, the legal side of it and communication with him and you. You should know what is happening at all times regarding the house. Including the presentation, the access to it, the lack of response, the stalling tactics etc.

      You will need this should you have to go to court to get it sold.

    • #43016
      Nova
      Participant

      PHEW! thanks Kip and Suntree, you both right, I tried, and failed, to sort this via email, as a last ditch attempt, to not have to go to a lawyer. Now I know its clear.

      As you say it also documents my attempt to resolve this matter. he should be aware that the costs for the lawyer etc will come out of the house sale. He has no idea, or probably has every idea, hence the stalling.
      I think his responses hi light he realises hes on a road to nowhere with this, its just a matter of time, and I’m catching up regardless of his ignoring, lying attitude to it…like I or the property just doesn’t exist!.deluded as ever.

      Thanks again.
      Cx

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