I should be fine now

[Underastone]

‘I should be fine now’ the words of my teenage daughter. After years of being in an emotional, controlling, sometimes physical abusive relationship it has ended and a restraining order in place. My daughter adores her father and is now feeling sorry for him, she understands how awful it was for me but as I’m now out of the situation should be fine. I suppose that the view of a child where life is very simple.

It’s been a few months and yes at first it was a Hugh relief, but the divorce process is slow, not helped by an error on the marriage certificate that had to be changed. The bank made an error and changed my address not his. I feel every step has created further problems to sort out. On the surface I’m putting on a brave face, trying to carry on working as normal and keeping the house running. Underneath I crumble and am in tears wondering will I ever get through this. shuffle mediation is taking place soon to sort out the finances and house, something I’m not looking forward to.
I know I am luckier than some that I have a good job, family & friends which in someways is making it harder as I feel I don’t want to burden anyone and should be getting on with life. So ‘ I should be fine’ only I’m not feeling it.

[Falling Skys]

Hi Underastone

Well done for getting out and getting so far down the line. After years abuse your not going to be over it because because you separated. There is so much that you need to come to terms with. Don’t be hard on yourself you need time to grieve.

My support work and I believe my hard time when I’m away from my abuser.

I can’t comment on your daughter as both my children have fallen for their Dad’s lies. (He is very good at looking a victim)

Mediation can be done in separate rooms so you don’t have to me intimidated by him if that helps.

Keep posting, the ladies here are a font of knowledge, and we are all in it together.

FS xx

[SaharaD]

Hi and welcome to the forum Underastone

sorry for the late show of support as I’ve been going through my own crisis and have been on holiday overseas.

Actually there is always that tiny and insignificant in the grans scheme of things of you that will never be over it by now. You will never be the same person.

Are you getting any support from specialist DV/DA (Domestic Violence/Domestic Abuse) agencies?

A women’s support group can be useful so that you can find the words to express to your daughter what has happened and how it has affected you and continues to affect you. I think it’s best to be honest with teenagers (they have to know that the world is not as simple as they think and how to protect themselves and cope when things go wrong) but I don’t have children myself. Also try to think how this has affected her. Maybe she is in denial because facing it is really painful. If you can cope with and express your feelings positively maybe she can do the same. You can only try and then let her fly on her own.

There are also many books out there that can help.

One good source is the Freedom programme http://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/ which is a facilitated group of women survivors and it also comes with a companion book called living with the Dominator by pat craven http://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Dominator-Pat-Craven/dp/1477410597

Friends and family are good but unless they have been through it themselves or study it for a job or career, they cannot empathize.

Keep reading and posting.

[Author]

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