I started the process…

[hotairballoon]

Last week I started the process needed for me and my child to leave.

So many thoughts are rushing through my head daily. I feel guilty, I feel heartbroken, I feel sad about breaking up my family, I feel ashamed this is happening and wish I had more support but at the same time don’t feel like it’s something I can talk to anyone about so I just feel all alone. He’s been on good behaviour lately which makes it harder when I know I have a plan and will be sticking to it. I imagine he will be very angry to find me gone when in his head he’s being “good” lately.

For a long time I’ve felt I should just stay because as a woman I should be the glue that holds my family together no matter what. People say family is so important, and I hate to be the one who is breaking that up. But at the same time I know I should go. He will try to guilt me and manipulate me into staying forever, and I can’t do it anymore.

Since deciding to leave my anxiety has been very high and I hope once I’m out of the house and in a refuge I will feel less guilty and more hopeful about my future. I feel very scared about what the future looks like for me and my child. And I feel nervous about being a single mother and like I’ve done this to myself when maybe I should have just stayed in my place and not be so silly…. Hopefully it all makes more sense to me one day and life will get better and not seem so sad and bleak.

[Hereforhelp]

It will get better, it really will ❤
You did break up your family, He did that all by himself by continuing to abuse you. What you have done is taken the step to .are life safer foe you and your child. Your child will not grow up in an abusive relationship and that’s wonderful, you did that.
These men like to keep us in our place, serving them, appeasing them, we cook/clean/work and then expected to have sex otherwise we again are at fault (exhausting hey, I bet you did too much when with him which is why you will be able to carry on but without pressure from him to keep him happy and life to his standard).
I would advise get aa much support as you can, have you done the freedom programme, I found that really helpful. So, I spoke to a female GP and she has given me a lot of support.
I was with mine for many many years and was terrified when we separated (we have teens), I was scared of being alone, no money, my mental health was awful, my children were mentally affected… there was so much that it felt like an impossible mountain to climb. Bit by bit you start to see clearer (Google FOG cycle abuse… Fear, Obligation, Guilt).

I haven’t been in refuge but lots of women have on this forum and I am sure you will hear from them ❤
Keep posting ❤

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