I still doubt myself

[Sparkle1]

He called me (detail removed by moderator) from a new number to let me know he is now settled in his new flat that his counsellor has made him see that controlling me was because he has so many issues in his head he reflects them on me he wants me to think about my future & if I could accept that he’s getting the help as he needs to give me a normal life that I deserve as he’s not a bad person he just needs help to sort out the way he thinks, he went on about how good he was with my kids that he is working properly now and thinks I’m a beautiful caring person but that I need to not take it personally when he has bad days! I said to him you made me feel bad about myself you couldn’t let me be myself constantly picking trying to stop me spending time with my friends & family never going on nights out, questioning & accusing me of irrational things, trying to get me to have a baby & live an isolated life! He then said no one is perfect I would never hit or cheat on you I love you more than life etc almost trivialising the way he behaved towards me saying that I’m not easy I take it all too personally that I should know him well enough to have realised he couldn’t help it and that he doesn’t want to be that way, I’ve hardly slept thinking it over & over now I’m doubting myself again, he said I need to ask myself if I could see him with someone else making a life and having a baby because that’s the reality if I keep staying away, he knows I still love him so he knows despite the way he treated me of course it would hurt to see him with someone else. Is anyone else feeling like this ? xx

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

Cause it would hurt at begining but we would get over it,let him go and find another partner if he wants, u have no intention of going back to him, some one who has been controlling cant just change like that, it will take years of hard work and even then elements will still be there, why would u want to choose someone that has such a a negative impact on your mental and emotional well being, it doesnt matter how much we loved them, they r toxic for us and we have to by force stay away from them, whenever i miss or doubt myself i do one of the three following
1. remember what he did, no way is that forgivable and am i going to give him opportunity to do that again and i question myself why i would even give him the chance
2. post on here to u lovely ladies about how i feel
3. tell; my family or friends who tell me no way and refresh my memory why im not going back

U r worth so much more hun, we have to love ourselves to heal , sod loving them ,, let him deal with issues that he has and he can find another partner,your never going back, doesnt matter if he was good with kids, he wasnt good with u, and u do matter. Yes u r beautiful and caring and someone who is the same can have u, not him, do u know how hard it is to find a decent partner that u connect sexually and emotionally with, he makes it sounds like we just a bag of sweets and he can take his pick, tell him u ok where u r and if he finds someone else good luck hope she can help him more but u cant and u wish to be left alone

[Snow]

Hi sparkle
I understand exactly what your saying my partner says the very same things. I would never hit you or cheat on you, it’s like there trying to make us feel bad for not wanting to be with them any more. Which yet again more controlling behaviour from them this is when like confused just said we have to remind ourself a of why we are here in the first place. We always doubt ourself because our confidence has been squashed and find it hard to trust our own discussions. I’m in the process of seperating and he still lives with me in my house and every day he says the same thing as you have just wrote. We are lovely people who deserve better and need to be away from men like that who crush us into someone we no longer recognise. Stay strong and the long you are away from him and the less you talk to him the stronger you will get

[Sparkle1]

Thank you ladies its so hard because in my head I know its not right I know I did everything I could when we were together to make him happy and it was never enough my life is getting back on track now I am re-building my relationships with my family and friends again, my kids are having days out with me I don’t have to live on eggshells, I don’t even miss him everyday I just get these moments where the panic and what ifs creep back in and he is loving on his “good days” I think that’s what I miss but your right I need to remember how unhappy I was with him and he disregarded my feelings constantly, even now saying to me that he could go out and get any girl he wants because he’s good looking but then adding I am the only one he wants is a double edge sword I said to him you may think you can get any girl you want but you have to be beautiful inside too to keep her ! xx

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

Be proud of your progress, dont give him another chance , sounds like an act on his half to get u back

[Author]

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