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so a couple of days ago, me and my husband had another fight. something small happened and he blew out it of proportion while on a night out with him and my work friends
He got my mum involved by tell her we where over, and he posted it on Facebook, later removed, but didn’t think to take a pic. and my boss knows because he was there.I ended up telling my mum what he was like, only a couple of things, but she is standing beside me and going to help with anything I need.
but I need to stay strong, he wont move out (thought that might be that case) and keeps saying he is so sorry and he will change. That we can work this out, trying to blame me for not wanting to try again. he doesn’t want to spilt the family up. but I knew he was going to say that, so I have kept saying no, I don’t want to be together.
I have rang 101 and will have someone from the domestic abuse department talk to me soon, as I really don’t know if he will kick off again when I continue to stand my ground. I also might have enough evidence to get a non mol or similar.
I am waiting for a ring back from a mortgage advisor and a solicitor, so hoping to get more information soon.I feel so weak at the moment, I haven’t slept much, haven’t eaten much. at work and trying to concentrate. I’m sure my boss is going to ask me soon if I’m alright.
I can and will do this. I have to.
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You can do this but Living with him meantime is extremely dangerous. Do not tell him of any of your plans. Force yourself to eat. Tell yourself you need energy to think straight. Keep hydrated. Keep sipping water. Sounds basic but I cannot stress the importance of food and water. My hair came out in clumps when I was still living with him but had ended things. I remember waking up to hair all over my pillow. Save yourself this kind of stress and damage and get out soon. You deserve a good happy free independent safe life x
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Can you stay with your Mum or friends while you are sorting things out? Your husband sounds dangerous to be around – sudden changes of tack between splitting up via Facebook and telling you that he wants to fix things and make them better. He clearly knows he is losing control, and that makes him dangerous, as well as incredibly stressful to deal with.
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Hi,
From my personal experience what is important
– don’t tell about your plans, don’t fall inti discussions with him. This is what he needs to turn everything round
– talk to people. When you feel down, call WA helpline or talk to someone who understands you
– find as much info as you can.
– report him. Talk to your GP, police, local support groups. You’ll need evidence
– write a diary. Every time he does or says. Date, what he did, how do you feel abou this
No contact is priority, even if you don’t think so now, you will !Good luck and keep posting ! x
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Thank you all. this group has already been so helpful, and I am so grateful I found it when I did.
I am drinking, its about all I can manage at the moment. I have lunch with me which is full of fruit, so making sure when I do eat its full of everything I need. I have already lost weight because of this, but looking at it in a good way, that might not be a bad thing, I have a few stone to lose anyway.
moving in with my mum isn’t really an option unless in an emergency. this might be removed but she lives on a canal boat, so rocking up with 3 kids isn’t the best move, but if needed I can. mum has also said she will stay the night whenever I need her. The friends I do have are either friends to my kids or work friends that live in a 1 bed or studio, so fine if just me, but with kids I don’t think it will work.
when he has been talking to me and making all these promises it feels like he is reading from a script, he might have tears and showing emotion, but from what I have read on here, its almost word or word.
when I spoke with 101 they said if at anytime I feel threatened then I should get myself and kids in a safe place, ring and they will come straight away. So making sure my phone is fully charged and with me as much as possible. it makes me so sad that I have to think like that.I have surprised myself with how calm I am. I do have moments of panic, but I have them under control. if they get any worse I will make an appointment with my GP.
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I think I might have told him a little too much. I let slip that I have been talking to someone. I didn’t say who, but that will probably come up again, so got to be more careful.
He will try to say that I am being mind washed by someone, that I should think for myself. the Police did say they might have to talk to him, and if they do I know he will turn that around against me, again saying who has put these thought in your head. (he is the type that if something is ‘for the women/ women’s right’ he will comment that they don’t have it that bad, and to stop going on about it)
I have a word documents that I have started to list things down on, and I am up to 14 pages and nearly 10,000 words. that has been the biggest eye opener for me, that I didn’t see things for what they were, or if I did I just made excuses for it.I know I was under his control, and coming to terms with that will be hard. and I am kind of putting it of until I have sorted other things out. but know I will have to at some point. I know there is a counseling team in my town, and they said I can r****r myself at anytime, just cant do it at the same time as working with Women’s Aid.
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Reporting to the police was the best thing I have done.
Even he is angry and blaming me, but this is nothing new.At least he knows I will do it again if needed.
And as they can control themselves when needed, at least he is not physically agressive anymore.Also this was good for me. I started to talk. I don’t feel shame that my neighbours will know everything or some of his friends.
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I think there should be a breakup bingo card game, because I believe Husband is ticking every box.
his being nice and helpful. Getting youngest changed for bed, doing dinner, trying to start light conversion. Generally acting reasonable. I think before at this stage i would of started to daubt myself, but not this time.
When we next talk about the relationship and where its going he will bring up how nice, good n dhelpful he is being and that he is trying to change. My reply will be, if you could do it know, you could of done it before, so you chose not too.
Thank you ladies, you truely have given my the strength to end this relationship. -
One thing I would say, be careful of relinquishing any care responsibilities for your kids to him.On the bingo card is a space which says: ‘later on in court he will argue that you were never the primary carer for your kids and he is’. Total bxxxcks of course but believe me they are try it to scare you and take your kids off you. Don’t mean to scare you but it is better to be prepared than not.
all best
ftc
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he has already said this to me.
I try not to laugh to load but ask how many times has he got up during the night? wake up early at the weekend? holidays has he willingly taken off during term time? who cooks for them, takes them to bed? makes appointments for the docs.
if it comes up again, I might just turn around and say try it.
he also says I need to take some of the blame, its not all him, he is not the bad guy, and im not the victim. I ask does he have any ideas/proof of what I have done wrong, and if he can I will except it. the only one that has some truth to it is I’m not willing to try and make things better. I think I can except that one.
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