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It’s been a nearly (detail removed by Moderator) since I left my ex. We’ve stayed in contact time to time. I have a son. I have only ever met up with him (detail removed by Moderator) since we’ve broken up, and it’s been when I’ve had a baby sitter.
However, my mum found out I was seeing him a few months back, and she threatened to phone social services.
I’ve obviously spoken to him about his behaviour , he’s told me he was just going through a bad place, he lost a very close (detail removed by Moderator) – and that’s why – even though he says that’s no excuse. Can they change? I think I know the answer, which is no. Especially considering his age, and how he is. & since speaking to him I’ve realised he hasn’t changed. I know if I cut him off completely , he will start messaging my mum and she phone social services. This might sound stupid but I’ve told him that the social are already involved. & that no one can find out otherwise I’ll loose my son – I hate lying but I’m trying to say that so then I can tell him I’m having no contact with him. I need him out my life. It was my fault for believing he would change. I love him. But I know he’s no good for me. I have been so down the past few days because I’m constantly worried he’s gonna message my family ( he can just switch, one minute he’s ok, the next he will accuse me of s**t ). -
Hello Peachycuteness1,
You’re right, it’s really uncommon for abusers to change, or for an abusive relationship to ‘get better’ or recover once an abusive dynamic has established.
You’re not alone though if you are still holding hope or are holding onto the possibility that change might be possible. When we have invested our time and energy, or we have a child with someone abusive, it can be extremely hard to break away.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
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