18th March 2021 at 6:36 pm #123479
This is my first post on here. I was too afraid to join whilst I was still with my ex. A few weeks ago I moved into my new house with my two small daughters and (removed by moderator). To start with I felt elation at being away from him but then the harassment started… constant texts, invites to see him, trying to get me to spend time at his whilst I collected my daughter from his and pushing me for sex whilst I was there.
It’s dawning on me that what I’ve been through has been psychological abuse and quite extreme and over the past week I’ve felt waves of pure anger, utter devastation, and shock.
I feel that I’m overreacting to things I would normally take in my stride and I’m filled with terror as he is contacting my friends and trying to damage my reputation at work now he knows I’m not taking him back.
I have lined up some therapy starting next week, and thanks to this site I’m reading “Healing from Hidden Abuse” which hits the nail on the head for me.
I guess I just want to know if this will ever pass or if I’m always going to be damaged from all this. I want to show my girls what it means to be a strong woman and be resilient etc. I’m just not feeling very resilient anymore.
I also just have to say how amazing you all sound. It’s empowering to read your posts for for that alone, thank you x
18th March 2021 at 6:43 pm #123481
Hi, yes you will absolutely get through this. Stronger and wiser. Your power will come from zero contact. Don’t be afraid to contact the police. Ending a relationship with an abuser is a dangerous time. Block him on everything. Change your number. Tell your friends and family to have nothing to do with him and talk to your HR department. Get support from your local Womens aid too. It’s extremely common for him to try and discredit you. He’s doing this so that when his abuse is exposed he thinks he’s painted you as the bad one first. Time and zero contact and the best things to work on. Once he’s been informed not to contact you again and he does so that’s harrassment. Your recovery will be a real rollercoaster ride. Slowly the ups and owns become less extreme x
18th March 2021 at 8:01 pm #123491
Thank you – unfortunately we have a young daughter together so I can’t block him. Otherwise I would immediately. Thank you for the reassurance.
It’s a journey that’s for sure!
19th March 2021 at 3:07 am #123507
You absolutely can block him. You do not need to allow abuse in your life and you have to show your child that abuse is never acceptable. Use a third party for any contact. Or allow contact by email only and ignore absolutely everything except specific arrangements for your child. Once a contact order is set up there will be no need for contact. A contact book can go backward and forward but please know from now on he will anti parent. Undermine you at every opportunity and use every point of contact to further his abuse. Change your phone number.
18th March 2021 at 6:44 pm #123482
You’re. It going mad, you’re being abused x take the control back and report him x don’t try to tackle this alone x
18th March 2021 at 7:53 pm #123489NancyParticipant
Hi, I have escaped a relationship and I too am experiencing being discredited at work. He sent a letter to my place of work and whilst my employer was initially sympathetic, they were angry with the content of the letter. This has resulted in me feeling increasingly isolated and dreading the post. Work is no longer a safe haven.
18th March 2021 at 10:28 pm #123504
I’m so sorry your work has been impacted. My
Job has been my safe haven too and I understand the feeling of it no longer being that.
I really hope your employer can support you with getting that safe feeling back. I’ve shared a bit of what I’ve been through with my HR colleague in the hope it puts his actions into context and protects me from the impact a bit. I hope you can find something to help you too. If I get any advice I’ll let you know!x
18th March 2021 at 8:26 pm #123493SleepypigeonParticipant
Your not alone, your story is similar to mine and I totally get those your feeling. You are not mad he just wants you to think this. He is abusive. My ex skipped most of the trying to get me back and went straight to trying to discredit me. Its harrowing and is designed to put you in a spin. People who know and love you will not believe his lies, but I no how hurtful it is. I am glad you have reached out. This will be a horrible rollwrcoaster of emotions which I’m still experiencing, and that dread of what next. Finding someone to talk to is key, plus posting on here or reading other posts. Have minimal contact with your child’s dad and try to not react to anything he may try. It’s difficult I no. You are a strong woman, you have already proved that by getting out. Sending hugs. Stay safe x
18th March 2021 at 10:25 pm #123503
Thank you so much for your replies. To know I’m not alone is a real support. Thank you for sharing your experiences too x
19th March 2021 at 10:07 am #123520Living WarriorParticipant
Iv been in similar situation a bit further along in my journey.
Even if u have children you can block him. Having children together doeant give him the right to use this as a way in to abuse you further. Google the freedom programme.. this explains more of the different types of abuse. Using children as a way in when you block every other way.
It’s another way of control.
Keep a incident report.. Google harrassment incident reports. This will give you an idea what to put in it… this way you have a log of wverymessage call incident etc. Keep it as detailed as possible include dates times witnesses any screen shots of messages etc. This will also be helpful if you choose to get court orders or if the police have to be called… it shows a escalation of behaviour.. which professionals can use to prove you are at risk and provide support, help and court orders. I hope this helps.
Dont let him wear you down. Keep the log. Prove what you are saying.
Professionals cant ignore proof. And he cant deny proof! 🙂 good luck x*x
21st March 2021 at 7:44 pm #123641
Thank you – I’ll hit Google. I’m still so new to all this. Sometimes I even waver before looking something up as I can hear him telling me I’ll lose my children if I talk to anyone.
He’s (detail removed by Moderator) and has worked with all the (detail removed by Moderator) in my region so I feel like I wouldn’t stand a chance if I had to report him or seek legal support.
I’ve spoken out more these last few days since reading all your comments. Thank you all for your advice and words of support
31st March 2021 at 2:44 pm #124083Living WarriorParticipant
I totally understand. Its difficult to stand up to anyone, let alone if they are in some kind of power role in a job. trust me, if you log evidence when its fresh in your mind and you back that evidence up in any way you can, screenshots or whatever, it PROVES you aren’t lying. TBH they soon start to flounder when they realise that you have proof of their lies.
i hope my advice helps you, i have spoken to many women who advised me the same, as yet proof in my own circumstances is blowing him out of the water. 🙂 things often do get worse when they feel backed into a corner, but keep the logs and proof.. things WILL change!
i hope things are already starting to look better for you.
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