I think I’m insane

[Ilikechicken]

I had started noticing his behaviour and writing a list of things that have happened over the past (detail removed by moderator) years, but now he is being OK out of the blue…. He hasn’t been this OK for years and I’ll I want is for him to go bk to being horrible so I won’t feel like I’m going insane. I feel guilty for talking to my Dr and women’s aid and planning stuff behind his back… I csnt stop thinking about getting out and then feel drained with the guilt. It’s got me worrying maybe I’ve changed as a person and feel depressed for other reasons and he behaviour wasn’t the cause.i think my mother is getting sick of me talking about it and doesn’t get why I feel my mental health is suffering cos it wasn’t bad like physical abuse. I’m just exhausted. Rant over sorry lol… Tell me it be worth it and I’m not an awful person.

[KIP.]

It will be worth it and your not insane. The abuse confuses us. They are expert manipulators and when they sense we have had enough they switch from Mr Hyde back to Dr Jekyll. It’s all one big crazy making game to them. Leaving us exhausted and doubting ourselves. Google the cycle of abuse. Keep that list to refer to. You didn’t imagine the things you wrote down.

[Tiffany]

Honestly, he can probably tell you are nearly at the end of your tether with him. He’s being ok because he wants you to think everything is fine so you don’t leave him, as he needs a target for his abuse. You are not mad and you should definitely keep planning to leave. Unfortunately not everyone understands the dynamics of abuse. My Mum told me after I left that I should just remember the good times and forgive him! I hope you get away soon. Once you are out and can start recovery it makes a huge difference to your mental health.

[Ilikechicken]

Yeh I know the list doesn’t lie but I just csnt stop this guilt j feel it’s drilled into me to feel this way over everything, I used to be a fun energetic person. He probably can tell I dunno how to act now, I don’t want him to guess that I want to go. Thank u all for the hand holding I just csnt seem to focus. Hopefully next year when I’m out I will start to be able to relax x

[LozzyX]

Ilikechicken it was guilt that has kept me with my husband for way too much longer than I should have been and I am full of regret now.

I minimised what he was doing for far too long. I am scared I could feel guilty again and will change my mind but I think this time he’s gone way too far over the line but it’s been extremely painful and now caused a lot more damage to my mental health, physical health and financial situation

I , like you , kept a list of the incidents for many years ..and each time I was at the point where I thought I had enough he would suddenly be an angel … Think the longest stretch of being the dutiful loving husband was almost 6 months !! But the abuse always returns doesnt it ?

I wish you all the best , keep strong and keep going , and never ever blame yourself for his c****y behaviour x

[KIP.]

For what it’s worth, when we are being abused, the rational,part of our brain closes off and the survival mode takes over. So there is very little space left to think in a rational way. I couldn’t concentrate long enough to read a book when I was being abused. You will see the difference when you are free. You have nothing tomfeel guilty about. The fact that you are having to keep it from him just proves how scared you are of him. How did we get to the place where we fear the man who we loved and thought loved us. Incredible mind blowing dysfunction x keep moving forward…..

[anotherlife]

This is me too so thank you for all the other c9mments on here. I can see it in other women’s posts but I can’t calm myself down over mine. I’m getting close to panic attacks again as my breathing has become so shallow over the last few days and today I feel I can hardly breathe.
It all makes sense though and it’s the situation we are in that makes us unable to see straight, be strong or be our old selves. KIP I am unable to even read a magazine for 5 minutes as my concentration is so low and trying to find a job has become impossible as I’m not able to think properly or feel confident that I can do anything.
Never ever feel like it’s you – It’s not any of us, it is the abuser and the way he has treated us that has lead to all our sadness and all.our other different problems. I feel I need someone to hug me and hold my hand through all of this, but somehow we have to find some strength within and one day we will be free x

[KIP.]

Hey anotherlife, I meant I couldn’t get past the first page of a book. The words just wouldn’t sink in so how on earth are we expected to work out how to escape an abusive relationship.

[Ilikechicken]

Hey anotherlife we can stay strong and get through this. The rational side of me knows he is abusive and the behaviour is why I can’t sleep but always feel tired, zapped of energy and can’t sleep or concentrate (I didn’t realise that until you said), but because he doesn’t actually hit me I feel like it’s me and I’m oversentive. The nice behaviour had come to an end tonight anyway because I didn’t clean the house fully and  (detail removed by moderator). Thank u for making me feel I’m not crazy xx

[KIP.]

It wasn’t because you didn’t clean the house fully. Abusers simply change the goal posts to any excuse to abuse us. You could have a perfect house and he would simply find another excuse to abuse you. It’s him that chooses this behaviour.

[Anonymous]

When were being emotionally abused and intimidated it’s just as bad as being physically assaulted. It’s just as damaging and confusing and other people around you don’t get it. The dynamics are so subtle at times and the behaviour is repeated. For me the worst thing was the fact that he was just not going to stop, ever. That scared me the most. Eventually your need to survive gives you that push because you need to protect your mental health. You get to a point where you’ve had enough. You will get there xx

[Ilikechicken]

Anotherlife you haven’t missed your chance you can still prepare to go there will be more chances. I feel I could of wrote your post a million times, I guess that’s why they advice its a cycle. We can get strong enough to go. Diymum I think he can tell I’ve reached that point I no longer love or even like 85% of his personality anymore and I think that’s why he is being all rational, now I’m being punished with the arguments and silent treatment because I asked to take the kids somewhere for an hour in Sunday… Spinning it I’m selfish, putting it bk on him etc. I just want an end to all the rules so many rules that all contradict based on how he feels, but so many double standard with rules for him. My future is bleak if I don’t get out and my kids will be so damaged so why do I feel all this fear and guilt. This is awful to say but sometimes I wish he wud hit me so I cud feel I have a reason and ppl cud see his behaviour. He comes across so rational x

[keepsgoing]

his behaviour is probably putting you off kilter, doubting yourself, I think when you are doubting leaving remind yourself of his worst, and just think I owe this to myself, I know this bad stuff repeats itself eventually, and I can’t keep that up…I hear a lot of folk saying things like maybe a partner can get counselling maybe he could change, but I think I just want someone without all the utter s**t in the first place, and I hope you do too, I think we deserve it, you’re on here for good reason, and you can do it, just like lots of us did, I got out of two, I feel like I don’t know how but I hope for you it’s sooner x

[Iwantmeback]

My husband and i had a heart to heart if thats what you can call it. He was so reasonable and calm, but it jyst showed me that he can be when the chips are really down. Instead of losing it when i told him how his actions made me feel and how scared i was of telling him anything in case it set him off, he was calmness personified. He spoke articulately, and logically. It left me totally empty. But i felt as if a weight was lifted when he spoke of selling the house, getting his own place.
Hes trying to make out that im the cause of all our arguements,that i cant just let it lie. Sometimes i do, but its very hard to listen to c**p and not defend yourself. Ive beem given an ultimatum, so balls in my court so to speak, but we all know it’s not really. He said im turning into his ex, so does that mean he’s already discarding me or is it the fact that i dont always shut up when hes raging at me and telling me how useless i am etc.
Im feeling okay, don’t have nervous knot in my stomach tonight.
God bless all
IWMB💕💕

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