I think I’m ready now

[Justneedpeace]

I’ve been in this relationship since I was a teenager. He is mentally and emotionally abusive but it’s not constant which is why it’s lasted (detail removed by Moderator) years up to now. The abuse always coincides with when he starts smoking weed. It sends his head crazy and the short temper and paranoia are heightened. Don’t get me wrong he’s never ever been perfect and the relationship has probably always been unhealthy but I can’t carry on any more. I am currently sat in my car in the local retail park weighing up my options.

We have 3 kids so I have to go back tonight. I know he will never leave voluntarily. Since he got nasty again in (detail removed by Moderator) I have been recording him on my watch and I think I probably have enough to get him sent to prison if I went to the police however this is the last thing I want. All I want is peace for me and my kids.

I’ve got a decent job and a couple of grand in the bank so I could go and rent somewhere but my house is in my name and so are all the bills and mortgage and I can’t afford to pay for that and rented. He will not leave my house without a fight though. I don’t know what to do.

Sorry if it’s inconsistent I’m just sat here crying and feel like such a failure. Everyone thinks I’m doing well but behind closed doors it’s horrible. I just want to be left alone now. I want to wake up in the mornings and not be nervous or shouted at or blamed or shouted at about other peoples actions and blamed for them too. I have read a few of the threads tonight and I resonate with most of them. I just don’t know where to go from here

[Better-days]

Wow your situation in similar to mine tho house is join owned my kids r younger. Reach out to your local woman’s aid they will help without putting pressure on you. I hope u are ok I sometimes sit and think why on earth did I let it get to this and like u say people would think that I have it all its horrible sending big hugs ur way x

[minimeerkat]

as better-days has suggested, it would definitely be worth contacting your local da service. even if its just to talk about it all. but they can help you with such a lot more if necessary
i was given a support worker & they then recommended a wonderful solicitor experienced in domestic abuse – one who has this experience is essential. mine went above & beyond
all this will then help you find ways of sorting your situation out – for example, there are several orders that your solicitor can apply for
i was too trauma bonded at the time & so full of guilt that i couldnt allow the police to take my ex into custody, so its quite normal for us not to want to press charges for whatever reason
if & when you do get the right support, especially an experienced solicitor you will find that your ex will suddenly see he cannot control & bully a professional – which gives you such a good feeling because you then see that there is hope x

[Happybelle]

My partner is in my house too. Have spoken about this with my friends and they have said when I’m ready – or any time I need them- just call and they will come round and he’s more likely to leave when there are witnesses and others about. We don’t have to put up with this and why the heck should you leave your own home with this wretch in it.
I was so close to pressing that button recently and I wish I had. If nothing else there’s extra support around if you need to call police.

[Justneedpeace]

Thanks. Been ok for a little while and here I am in my car again. I wanted to look into getting a 2nd home/ mortgage but it looks like it’s impossible with current interest rates. I wish he’d just go. I get the blame for everything and am responsible for everything. Cooking cleaning pay for everything work full time. Sort the kids out 99% of the time. I just want a b****y break without getting terrorised. Tbh I can’t see me getting away for another (detail removed by Moderator) years until the youngest is grown. I’ve done almost (detail removed by Moderator) years now. What a life.

The other week he told me not to be so dramatic and I have a silver spoon.. I absolutely wish I did. Everything I have I work for and provide whilst taking his c**p and getting up and working and studying and making out I have a good life. Grr.

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