i thought i was coping

[Milli]

i never ask for help…..the time i did the authorities where straight there got me somewhere to stay….from the beginning i said i couldnt afford to pay for a room and my mortgage. everytime they said not to worry.

as i had some inheritance…..it seems i wasnt entitled to financial help….i was given a bill for (detail removed by moderator) for staying in temporary accomodation for (detail removed by moderator). i ended going back to my alcoholic husband as i couldnt justify that amount of money….

thankfully i found myself a place to live…..no help from the authorities because i had left of my own accord.

when i first left, all the help was there, i was going to get support with getting him out the house and divorcing him and getting back on my feet again, being in my 50s i was so scared.

since……ive had no help, im trying to divorce him, paying a fortune in solicitors fees, thankfully the house is sold. i have been too nervous past weeks to open post…..but today i did to find i still owe for temporary housing.

just goes to show….having any savings you get stung. ive not been able to work for a year cause of covid, my anxiety and depresssion is awful im in pain with a bad knee….. and thoughts of not being here comes back again….having money does you NO favours.

i wish i had stayed with my husband…yeah he drank, he never hit me thankfully, but i wouldnt be in the mess i am now.

[Lisa]

Hello Milli,

I just wanted to offer you some support this morning, I’m sorry to hear about the bill you received from housing, that must have been such an awful moment for you.

Do you think you want to contest it? It sounds like they assured you that you wouldn’t need to worry about covering the cost when you were offered the accommodation? There is information on the Rights of Women’s website about housing rights and domestic abuse if you feel this would be helpful: https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/guide-to-domestic-violence-housing-and-homelessness.pdf

You’ve done incredibly well to leave that situation and to get to where you are with so little support, it sounds like you have been through such a lot and we know that it is a long and difficult journey to recovery. I can hear that you have had bad experiences when reaching out for support in the past but maybe some counselling or emotional support would be useful for you now?

You could find a local therapist via the Counselling Directory, https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/, or there are national helplines who are there to listen if you need to talk, such as the Samaritans on 116 123.

I hope things get better for you, take care of yourself.

Do keep posting and let us know how you’re doing,
Lisa

[Milli]

thank you lisa for replying x

ive ptsd, and cant seem to read more than a few sentences, let alone absorb information. ive tried to read what youve sent….i would love to contest it….because i feel its unfair if you have any savings you get thrown under the bus. thankfully my ex wasnt violent to me, just himself with self harming that i apperently make him do.

i remember being told by authorites i was lucky as a room in a refuge is much more than i paid. i think my local council were sneaky as they claim i was in temporary housing.how can they justify over £100 for a tiny room for a night…it would have been cheaper to go to a hotel.

it worries me that if this happened to someone and they had to use their last bit of savings to leave an abusive partner they probably wouldnt…i know i wish i had stayed….im worse off now having to pay out a fortune and feeling horrible when i only left because of how HE WAS….

so much for all the advert saying not to stay and there is help out there….

xx

[Author]

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