This topic contains 10 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  imsosad 2 weeks ago.

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  • #85432
     imsosad 
    Participant

    i really dont expect a reply i just feel i need to get stuff off my chest. i dont have a circle of friends just the one close who has been a rock. i thought i was doing ok i know its only been three weeks. i cant stop crying past couple of days. i have this overwhelming feel if dred my anxiety is through the roof. i have had to come back in work today and its crippling me i just need to curl up and hide but i can’t. i hate this person so much who has done this to me and i hate myself more for allowing it to happen and being so weak by letting him still win. im tired of fighting im tired of crying and thinking about things in fact im exhausted i feel like i have nothing left to give. i hate the fact hes out there living laughing getting p****d and having no remorse as to what hes put me through. hate does not sum the word up as how i feel about this person. its taking over me this past couple of days and i really am trying not to let it happen.

  • #85439
     Yellowflower 
    Participant

    Imsosad I really do understand where your coming from. My ex too is doing the same things. He gets to carry on living his life pain free. Do you know why? Because these men really don’t think like we do. They live in a different reality to us.. he feeds on control and pain and you knowing his doing that is still hurting you he knows that. Take back the control and let him carry on… his on the prowl for his next victim as is my ex and actually I feel sorry for them. They will never ever be happy because I gave him my world and changed me to be completely who he wanted me to be… and it wasn’t enough And I lost who I was and for what for this? No it’s our time now. Big hugs always here to chat if you need too xx

  • #85441
     imsosad 
    Participant

    hiya hunni thats what is so frustrating he has changed me and i dont like me now im nasy short tempered and constantly have the CBA attitude. i dont pity his new victim at all she can have what i have and i hope she knows someone who will hurt him bad. im so angry so so angry i let him do this to me

  • #85442
     Yellowflower 
    Participant

    That’s in your power to take control of. It’s your life now not his you can be whoever you want to be. A good idea is to sit down and write a list of all the things you would like to do now things you could never dream of doing while you were with him. I know how hard it is I fleet in between missing him and anger for what he has done. Xx

  • #85445
     imsosad 
    Participant

    my list is so easy. it is what all all ladies want from life. to be happy have a quiet life no more dramas and to get our happy ever after. not much to ask for but so hard to find

  • #85448
     HopeLifeJoy 
    Participant

    Ditto and we will all get there!

  • #85450
     imsosad 
    Participant

    absolutely we will 💐🌷🌹

  • #85463
     Flowerchild 
    Participant

    Your feelings prove you ARE getting there though, darling!

    Going back to work is huge and challenging, but look – you’re doing it. Of course your feelings will be almost overwhelming, but if you try to ride them out rather than fight them off they will roll on by. You won’t get stuck with them and feel like this forever, I promise.

    Progress often feels up and down, but you are travelling in the direction or recovery and you WILL get there. Be kind and gentle with yourself and be sure to eat well, rest lots and quiet the bullying voices you might hear in your head; that’s just a memory of your abuser, not reality.

    Flower x

  • #85473
     imsosad 
    Participant

    thank you so much flower that means so much to hear such positivity xx

  • #85482
     EbonyRaven 
    Participant

    You didn’t ‘allow’ this to happen. These abusers get at us like water torture, drip, drip, drip. You don’t even realise it is happening for such a long time whilst you’re muffled in the fog.

    There are many, many intelligent, funny, beautiful ladies here to whom this has happened too. It is hard not to blame yourself I know, extremely hard. However, you had been pushed and pushed into a blurred sense of self, a skewed reality. He did this.

    You can’t allow something you’re not even aware is happening.

  • #85488
     imsosad 
    Participant

    hi enonyraven thank you and you are so right in everything you say just like all the other women on here. my friend keeps telling me i am being too hard on myself maybe its a safety mechanism as i dont know. or my sister telling me its your own fault i told you so.. the most annoying thing anyone can say isnt it?. the fact is whats done is done none of us can change whats happened to us. but most of us took a stand took our lives back took our homes back and are now recovering from a life of hell… like i have said in all of my posts i am ok i am just suffering with this awful anxiety and feeling of dred. i an so busy with work this week but i will see mg gp im sure its what my dear KIP said i think it is PTSD it just hits the same times every day its awful.. again thank you all so much.
    but we have done it we got out we are free

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