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Hi this is my first post and it’s a long story so I’ll try and keep it brief I left my ex finally (detail removed by moderator)years ago he was physically violent had me up against the wall with his hands round my throat told me if I tried to leave he would burn the house down with me and the kids in it he told me he would be able to get full custody of the kids as I had bad pnd after our daughter was born he drove me out to these country lanes one day and threatened to bury me there I eventually left hell ensued for a few more years he saw the kids supervised then lost interest until this year where he’s having contact again to be fair it’s been consistent which surprises me but the other week there was an incident and he had a go saying that I lied and exaggerated all those years ago and that was it that’s all it took to take me back there I’ve been anxious and on edge ever since I think there are a lot of emotions that were repressed and because I hadn’t seen him for years I could keep it buried and now I feel like rubbish my mind won’t turn off I’m not sleeping and I’ve thought about incidences I’ve long long forgotten and had totally blanked out now that’s all come back to me and I can’t shake it some days I feel I’m getting on top of it some days I feel like I’m sinking and on the edge of the edge.
Is this even normal so many years later? X
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Hi Fuzzy and welcome. Your story is so familiar to me. What I can tell you is that I was diagnosed with PND. I was put in this box for decades. Abusers behaviour often escalates dramatically after the birth of a child and that’s exactly what happened in my relationship. It was post traumatic stress disorder I had for decades not PND. Midwives are now trained to spot this and should know this is a very dangerous time for domestic abuse victims. I can also tell you that threats to kill should be absolutely taken very very seriously. No matter when they were made. Abusers often act on these threats a long time after making them. Time has no meaning to them. It might as well be yesterday. He still thinks of you as his prey. Someone he can abuse when he feels like to to make himself feel better. You are in just as much dander today as you always were. That’s why your body is screaming at you. The body remembers the trauma it has been through. My advice is to contact your local women’s aid. Go total no contact with this man. Use a third party or a contact centre. Never ever ever be alone with him. Any contact with these abusers is toxic. He’s already causing confusion by gas lighting you. Denying and minimising. That’s how women are murdered because we too begin to minimise their behaviour and it becomes normal to us. Don’t be fooled by his consistent interest in your children. Please remember the original reasons that contact was supervised. Please remember this mantra. Abusers only want to get close enough to us to slap us again. It’s easier to recycle and old victim that break in a new one. You’re in as much danger now as when he threatened to kill you and your children. Did you ever receive trauma counselling. It sounds to me like you have post traumatic stress disorder. Please visit your GP and ring the helpline number on here for good advice. Trust your gut. Your body is screaming alarm bells. Keep posting for support.
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