I thought I would be in a better situation as a survivor

[Stuck in The mud]

I experienced long term domestic abuse and didn’t act on it , I reached a milestone age and decided enough is enough I need some quality of life .aAn incident resulted in me calling police and gaining non molestation & occupancy orders with (removed by moderator) .My abuser never returned after arrest.For years I fantasised about how it would be with him gone and so far it’s not what I expected.Life without abuse is amazing although normal to most but the way of life I adapted to has left a void .I feel stuck in limbo divorce at a standstill , occupancy not processed even a (removed by moderator) on . My head is full, my sadness of loss of friends and family along the way makes my heart heavy .The loneliness can be intense and amongst all that I have to process what I went through for so long .I desperately need a fresh start , a move away from the house we lived in for (removed by moderator) years , the neighbours that know my situation and the smear campaign against me by the abuser that knew there was no way back this time ! My divorce delayed by Covid & him too . I feel controlled by him still and will do all the while I’m still legally married to him & living in the house full of bad memories. There’s no quick fix here I’m just waiting on solicitors , courts & office officials to process forms which will allow me to move on and feel free.I thought after court my life would instantly change for the better , I’d get freedom and a new lease of life , no it just gets handed back and forth elsewhere !! I feel for anyone else that gone through this & if you’re at the start be prepared for a frustrating experience x

[dancingdaisy]

Similar situation, it sucks. Everything moves so slowly and ex is not helping it go any faster.
Was your court trial in a criminal court? Or was it a civil court fact finding? I have both ahead. Feels like it’s going to take years…
Really does feel like limbo.

[Hereforhelp]

Hi, I am sorry your divorce got caught up with covid and now him. I have just started the divorce and am excited to be free. I have no idea how long it will take he literally ignores everything. Maybe I better calm down on my excitement as hearing your story may well be mine, I shall follow up.

I totally understand the limbo, I am happy to be away from him but the house holds a thousand memories and ghosts of him being here. I am thankful for a home do not get me wrong, but like you I am still being controlled and it won’t stop until he is completely, legally away. Me and kids keep doing little bits of painting, wallpapering and gardening, for us it feels like we are adding something new (my children both said that to me).

Big hugs ❤

[Stuck in The mud]

Dancingdaisy sorry your in the same predicament my court case was in family court due to Covid restrictions and it took long !!!!
Everything delayed which is making it harder ! It’s a relief he’s gone but the process is soul destroying and adds to the problem long before it resolves it 👎🏻

[Stuck in The mud]

Hereforhelp : your on the same page I once was , grateful for the roof over your head but moving forward moving away from the memories is inevitable for your sanity. I also changed the appearance of the house & contents so it was a new start. The non molestation helped me a lot I felt protection . I wish you and your children happiness & peace
❤️

[Wheelgoround]

Hi,
I am out a year now and it has felt horrible at times because he has been harassing me with the legal system and threatening to take away our baby for full custody. Luckily this never happened but still it felt like hell for months until the final court order gave me custody. Please try to keep calm and take baby steps, all of this is too much, the years of abuse, the memories, the control, the coercion..
Take good care of yourself and go easy on you. As a friend told me it gets really bad until it gets better..

Many hugs and ❤️

[Stuck in The mud]

Wheelgoround
Thanks it does feel like a roller coaster good days , dark days I think within the chaos it was normal way of life , looking back we can process the abuse but that means reliving it now ! I have a constant headache from it all and won’t feel completely free until the divorce and tenancy has completed.Glad you and your child are away and safe now x

[Liliana]

Dear ladies, I am so angry now on the respondent. I apply for a non molestation order and it was traumatic to remember all of it.
Does any one of yourself know what else could I sue the respondent for in a civil court untill the criminal investigation is completed? He did abuse me in all ways and shapes possible
Sending you love

[StrongLife]

Yes it lasts for yrs. I have found it got better after court cases.

You got away – it’s not easy to do. It’s very hard and not something one does – I had no where to go and no access to money/housing/ costs without a long delay. It’s extremely difficult- you got out and that is good thing.

[Author]

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