i thought i would feel better

[exhaustedandfedup]

Sorry this is my first message so I hope I make sense.
I was with my ex husband from being a teenager. He was always intimidating and controlling. Things spiralled and he got a lot more abusive both physical and emotionally (I think drugs were involved). We have now split and at first everything was fine. He has now moved in with his new girlfriend and everything has changed. We have children who up until now he saw regularly and paid for and was very helpful if I needed anything. All of a sudden he tells me I am a terrible mum, he has quit his job due to the stress I have put him under. He is now demanding 50/50 custody of the kids but then wont help with school runs even though he knows I work full time. He constantly tells me I am causing abuse towards my children and I am stupid. When he calls me his girlfriend shouts things down the phone. The kids tell me she calls me bad names and dad says I am evil. They intimidate me by staring through my window when picking the kids up or coming out to my car. I feel worse in myself, lower in mood than I felt when I was with him. I thought this many months down the line things would be getting easier. Now its affecting the kids. Part of me wishes I had stayed with him. I just want a break. He sent me over 100 messages in (detail removed by moderator), well I think they are from his girlfriend. I have done nothing to these people. When will they give up and leave me alone!!!

[diymum@1]

yeh they get worse at this point but its the last off it I promise. you will have to act now though – do you have a court order? 100 messages and staring through the window is harassment and intimidation – you could go to court and get a contact centre for drop offs etc and a third party to do communication. this is what I had to do in very similar circumstances. it worked and gave me strength to get out off this situation xx

[exhaustedandfedup]

I cant afford court fees. He has also left unpaid bills that are in my name. He has stopped paying any form of child maintenance. I sometimes think I am maybe being dramatic. what if he manages to make people such as court that I am in the wrong? he tells me now he isn’t working he gets all his court fees paid whereas I have to pay all my own. I got a quote of £180 for an hour with a solicitor. He always wins.

[KIP.]

Contact your local women’s aid for advice and support. It’s harrassment and you could report him to the police. Keep all the evidence. All the messages. A journal of his behaviour and his refusal to help and pay for his own children. A court won’t like this at all. He/they will continue their behaviour until your cease all contact. Speak to the domestic abuse police for advice. You need support but you do not need to allow this behaviour to continue. If you have sufficient evidence you can get a non molestation order preventing both of them from direct contact or coming near you. Sadly these men recruit flying monkeys to do their nasty work too. It needs to stop swiftly. The police could pay them a visit and give them a warning. Protect yourself and your children. Speak to a solicitor about a contact order so that he cannot keep them. Ring Rights of Women for free advice initially but your best help will be WA. Ring the helpline number on here too x

[exhaustedandfedup]

thank you. I just keep thinking things will settle down and I am worried if I tell the police etc and they speak to him that this will make things worse. I spoke to a family member about the situation and they said well you haven’t heard anything for a couple of days why rock the boat. Your right I probably need to get some information. You just get to a point where its suffocating and I am just fed up with it all tbh.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi once you are more informed, you then feel more in control. Outs also true of making decisions. Once you decide to do something, follow it through it also comes with that feeling of relief. Relief that the sky didn’t fall down. Have you any support from WA? I’m looking into moving out of the area, once that happens, divorce proceedings will begin. It’s time to look out for me and not worry about his feelings, his ability to pay etc
How this helps💞💞

[exhaustedandfedup]

thank you. Yes your right I think I need more information about what my options are. I spoke to someone from WA who gave me lots of contact numbers and I meet someone advised by WA in the next week so hopefully I will be better informed after that and feel less stuck. I feel a mix of wanting to do something about it to feel more powerful and willing to do anything for a few days breather. Over 100 messages in 3 weeks is excessive and suffocating. Just want a break. Luckily I have saved them all. I never say a bad word to the kids about their dad but they seem to want to see him less and less due to his behaviour.

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