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    • #124011

      Just came on for support and find someone else has written what I want to say.

      Why is it so common for women to be left destitute after leaving am abusive relationship? There is something really wrong with the world.

      I had to leave my home and my job behind. I managed to get a temporary job (detail removed by moderator) but they decided not to keep me on permanently. I’ve applied for 3 other jobs and didn’t even manage to get an interview.

      Now I’m facing day to day temp work. Take home pay will be less than £(detail removed by moderator) a year.

      I had a well paid job that I loved before I left him. Now I’ll be visiting food banks to make ends meet.

      I’m sitting in the park where my sons friend (detail removed by moderator) and I can’t help thinking that (detail removed by moderator). I promised myself I wouldn’t get this low again.

      I know I did the right thing leaving but why is the world punishing me like this?

    • #124017

      Eggshells, I know it’s hard and having lows is normal, especially when you’ve left so much behind. You are so strong, you need to focused that strength of pulling yourself out of this hole. Can you speak to your sister and tell her how your feeling? You have so much good around you now and the ‘bumps’ in the road sometimes trigger us to revert back to negative places.

      What advice would you be giving me if I had written this post?

      Virtual hugs sent your way x

    • #124022

      Hi Eggshells,
      It’s nice to hear from you but not so nice to see the reasons you are back here. I was thinking of starting (yet another) post saying the same sort of thing. Why? How is it fair? I’ve been applying for jobs too. This week someone let me know that I haven’t been shortlisted – that’s a first. The others haven’t even bothered.
      I’m currently looking for another lace to live as this one was only temporary and my time is up.
      I’m not seeing my kids because I don’t live in the family home, their home, any more. How big a punishment is that?
      I see no future, I have no hope.
      Sending you huge virtual hugs, Eggshells

    • #124024

      Hello eggshells
      I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling so low. It is so unjust the abuse the consequences the lack of accountability for them the hardship the struggle.
      My current thoughts about where I find myself is as a victim/ survivor of abuse there is NO level playing field you are punished for doing nothing wrong in fa t being a good person everywhere you turn. I’m gonna be a vocal activist – when I’m in a better place. Society treats is terribly! I think you also have that fire in your belly it’s just it is hiding today. Your words have helped me so much you don’t even know! So thank you!
      Keep going…. this will pass…. he doesn’t get to win now. You are stronger than you k ow you got out remember even tho now is so hard how hard you have fought and how how far you have come. I’m sending a big hug x*x

    • #124051

      Thank you all. I’ve taken myself off to (detail removed by moderator) with my sister for a couple of days. Hopefully I’ll get myself up and running again soon.

      Thank you for caring so much. It makes a difference. You are so kind, non of you should be going through this. xx

    • #124167

      Sending love. I’m there too, I see it as getting a whole lot more than food from the food bank, I sop up all that kindness that is there too. People want to help, help is there, it won’t be forever, and it’s better than being back there. I know you know that. I agree with you it’s fkn sh*t excuse my language, there’s something wrong with the world where we have to be destitute and they just go from strength to strength, literally at my cost in my case. But I still wouldn’t want to be with him. I sell my belongings, I’m always thinking what else can I sell. I sold some shrubs the other day! £40!! It’s amazing what people will buy. You’ll get through this. You’re not alone. Big hug. Xx

      • #124307

        What you said about kindness is beautiful, and it uplifted me. Exactly!

    • #124207

      Oh honey. I wish I could be there to help you. It sounds really tough. xx

    • #124243

      Hello ladies,

      I just wanted to send hugs and reassure you that things do get better. When I got out I was also jobless, penniless, homeless. Fortunately I only had myself to look after and good friends and family to lean on. I stayed with friends for a ‘couple of weeks’ that turned into months. It gave me time to find work. Rubbish odd temp jobs led to a full time role. I had time to save for rental deposits and work clothes. But most importantly they built me up emotionally. They never once asked me to describe what I’d gone through. They simply filled me up with food and love. The best part of recovery is getting back the real me he’d almost erased. I was in there all the time. None of the hardships I faced after leaving were anywhere near as bad as spending another day with him would have been. x

    • #124258

      I really so sorry to read someone else going through it. I feel like you that you’ve written something I would’ve written. I did something really stupid actually and left refuge so back in danger and now facing homelessness or violence. I’m more scared of the homelessness. I was like u and thought I’d left those times behind. I don’t think it’s fair we’re punished for being victims of violence or abuse. It’s grinding me down and I don’t no if I have more strength. U are stronger than me but maybe I can make myself try one last time to be safe if I read other women like u who are strong. I’m sorry u have to use foodbank. I had to too and felt ashamed but also felt touched how kind some people are for donating. I hope u feel better after time with ur sister xx

    • #124341

      It’s ok to feel low and even better to share it, and your thoughts. That is a million times better in fact than living with a perpetrator of abuse who has no empathy with you, where as every one here in this forum has endless empathy with your situation.
      We have all had to go through leaving and seeking help during the pandemic. The job market has had a knock back. Women are always first affected when jobs and money are in short supply. That is c***,but having the freedom to make your own choices without abuse or control can not be taken from you again if you don’t want it to. The whole lockdown hit us females so hard, but there is not a lot we could do to control the restrictions. But it’s easing, and all crises burn themselves out. Try writing lists of what you want to do, small but achievable, like have a walk with a friend or go for a coffee in a cafe or go the library or go window shopping. Use the choices that you are free to make to help you feel better.

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