I tried again but don’t think he’s stopped. Just changed direction

[Discombobulated2022]

Hi all
I used to use this group last year. I’d left and was determined to divorce. Somehow, and I’m not sure how – we tried again.
He’s not abusive to me anymore, is in counselling, remorseful, apologetic.
But there have been incidences where he’s been too rough with our toddler. More than rough. I’ve told him it’s abuse, he must leave, won’t be having kids overnight and contact needs to be supervised. Not by me.
It’s like we’re back to square one getting him out the house again. He’s begged for forgiveness, got angry with me, blamed me, fake cried, real cried, tried to emotionally blackmail me, says he’ll go, then refuses to go, tells me I’m destroying him when I say I should be reporting this to the police. It’s amazing to watch tbh. Previously I’d have responded to every type of attempt by trying to fix things. I won’t this time. It’s like my mind is clearer.
Last year You guys rightly said I didn’t sound like I was ready to accept it was over. I thought he had changed but I now just think he changed where and how he directed his anger?
I feel a bit silly but also determined to get him out again. It’s just such another upheaval for the kids. Don’t really know what I’m asking here. Think I’m just using the space to vent. Thanks for giving me that space xx

[Lisa]

Hi Discombobulated2022,

Thank you for sharing with us. I hope it has helped to use the forum as a space to vent.

The situation with your husband sounds very distressing for you and your children. You are doing the right thing by reaching out for support. Ending a relationship with an abuser is a risky and dangerous time, and the safety and wellbeing of you and your children is the priority. Are you able to make contact with your local domestic abuse service for some ongoing emotional and practical support with making a safety plan? You can find your local service via this link: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory/ Some services have a 24hr helpline or an online chat service if you are safely able to make contact. You can involve the police at any time you or your children feel at risk.

You don’t have to go through this alone, there is support for you. Please do keep posting to let us know how you are.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Discombobulated2022]

Thank you Lisa for your reply. Means a lot.

[Author]

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