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I came back home stronger than ever.
Oh the wonderful chat we had together. She is also an adult child of alcoholic parents. We talked about the chaos we lived with as children, the experiences we had, what we saw, what we did, what we learned to do and think and feel.
But we didn’t dwell on that too much. We moved on to my situation at the moment. She sees beyond the advice I receive, the ”standard” reactions and the current family situation. She let me borrow a book from the Al-Anon organisation.
”Sharing experiences widens one’s horizons and opens out new and better ways to deal with difficulties. There is no need to solve them alone.”
This is Today’s Reminder from January 4th.
Today was a good day for me. I made a new friend and I hope she lives for many more years so I can enjoy getting to know her and she can get to know me.
Funny how circumstances work out because this is the Reminder for today’s date :
(Detail removed by moderator).
I am a newcomer. This book could apply to situations of abuse too, whether you are a child witnessing abuse, or a partner experiencing it. Or someone who experienced in the past the disastrous effects of abuse.
This wise old lady is going to help me see clearly, conquer my fears, my anxieties and my reactions. She will help me realise why I acted the way I did for years while living with an abusive husband, how being used to chaos in my childhood gave me the tools to normalise the next chaos I slowly accepted, till physical abuse took place in a frightening experience, yet I reported nothing and became docile.
And my tomorrows will be up to me. I hopefully will learn not to fear them and not to judge my past and current life as an index to what my tomorrows will be.
One lady on the Forum said your time will come. You will be able to decide what you want to do. That is all I have been trying to do for the last few months, know what to do.
The main difference between alcoholism and abusiveness is this one, again from the book, day November 15th. ”Alcoholism is a disease – the alcoholic is a sick human being – we do not punish people for being sick.” Abusiveness is a crime because it is a choice of behaviour.
Another quote comes from a friend from the refuge where I was, ”When you are abused, you are a victim. When you stay in an abusive relationship, you are a volunteer.”
Food for thoughts.
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