I want to leave

[Luna1234]

Hi! So I don’t really know how to start but I’ve been in an abusive relationship with my alcoholic partner for a very very long, time over a decade and, I was very young and stupid when it started. I have my own house that he is not included on but lives there and we have so many mutual friends and such a large family I feel like it impossible to cut ties.
Due to the house being in my name and having a large dog it’s hard for me to flee but I also don’t feel safe staying even if he leaves as I know my house and me will be a target. I just wanted so real advise from someone ina similar situation I am scared that if I don’t act soon this will be my life and the impending doom makes me wanna give up and duck out if you know what I mean. He’s very good at gas lighting and also guilt tripping me into not leaving or getting him to leave. Him and his family lean on the fact that they were abused as children and I have tried to help and be understanding but I can’t be a punching bag any longer

Anyway if you read this thank you its sometime just nice to feel heard 😊

[Intr0vert]

Sorry to hear you are going through this. Please remember there are so many resources out there that can help you with this. Him abusing you is not ok. If you want to get out, you can always sell your home and move elsewhere. First things first, you need to create some distance between you and him otherwise it will be very difficult for you to leave. Do not worry about friends or family, you have to look out for yourself. Sending you lots of hugs and I hope you find your way out soon x

[Atsah]

You should leave.i stayed for far too many years because i just became emotionless and numb and he kept saying he would change but they never will.it is very hard but you can do it! Everything has been a learning curve for me because i never had any control over money or anything but i got through somehow and so will you.move somewhere else where u will be safe.it’s good the house is in your name at least.I wish you lots of luck find the courage to do it you won’t regret it.

[Luna1234]

Just want to thank you all for the great advise I’ve never had so many people in my corner pointing me in the direction I need to go!! 💗

[Intr0vert]

Sending you lots of strength to get through this x

[Happybelle]

I am here too right now. Fortunately my family and theirs is not well integrated so our lives are less intertwined.
Honestly, the only thing I feel I can do is just sell up and go. I’ve tried to ask him to leave. I know if I stay in the area he will try and drift back or I will feel bad and go and find him. I also think he won’t take me seriously unless action is big and drastic. Really feel for you x

[Polardog]

You can do this. Ring the National Domestic Abuse Helpline and they will be able to give you advice on how best to proceed so that you remain safe – and they will also be able to help you find local support too. Childhood abuse is no excuse or reason for you to stay – many people experience that and don’t mistreat others. It’s going to get tough before it gets easier but the fact you even recognise what is going on is a huge step and you will get there bit by bit.

[Luna1234]

This is the same issue I’m having I’m going to have to sell and move as I know being in this area will not be healthy for me. I’m dreading that part as I know he’s gonna do everything in his power to stop me selling or getting another house, he’s already destroyed most of the things in it and damaged windows etc. Hopefully by sticking to it and going to the police and documenting it all should help or at least that’s what I hope. I have loads of numbers to call but he can tell something is off this time so is sticking round the house like a bad smell doing jobs and trying to please me but it’s not going to fix things becuase I know in a couple of days he’ll drop the facarde and go back to being awful. Thanks again for the support everyone I couldn’t do this without getting it out first

[swanlake]

My abuser also claimed to have had an abusive childhood, I think it’s a way of currying sympathy. Though I don’t doubt that they had a horrific childhood, abusing others isn’t a healthy way to deal with it and I don’t deserve abuse I realise now.
Do you have any thoughts as to where you might like to live in future? You might be able to get some kind of order to keep the other person away from the house or I’m not sure if there is a discreet way of selling the house without his knowledge. Estate agents sometimes have lists of buyers waiting so might not need to put your property on a public website to sell it.

[Happybelle]

We can do it :).
Mine also had a difficult childhood. Well guess what, so did my mum and all she is done is harnessed her talents and has achieved a great many things and has made a beautiful home with my dad for many years.
I am lucky that mine is not destructive (yet!) but will be excessively upset when they realise that I’m really going. Will likely threaten suicide or guilt trip me about their being homeless. They could apply to the council right now or sort it out with their own family so I just need to hold firm.
We totally got this – will be the best Xmas present to ourselves.

[Author]

Posts