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Can some one please offer some advice. I put him out of the house and for years looked after our children who he saw whenever he wanted. All the while he worked away in the background getting my eldest to feed back any information. Because of his machinations and no support from my family I had a breakdown and he moved back in. I had to go to court to get him out he told the kids I was putting them out too. I was given occupancy and he was told to stay away but the evening I changed the locks he appeared he must have been in the area watching. I called the police he claimed he’d come for the cat. Because my mental health has suffered and a diagnosis of bpd I have be left ostracised by my family. I found out (detail removed by moderator) that he had insisted that my sister and her family visit him and our kids with my mum. I was told about this but what they didn’t say was it was at his girlfriends house. He knew it would get back to me. I rarely see my mother and j don’t bother with my sister because she has meddled in my life for so long. Last Christmas my ex insisted he had the kids for Christmas my family forgot about me. I feel I have been written off because I have bpd, yet I hold down a responsible job. I am bereft even my son who has learning difficulties understands my hurt. They carry on like I don’t exist believing every lie. I just want to run away my husband so thoroughly isolated me I have only a few friends. I can’t bear it, to be ignored and lied about. What do I do?
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As harsh as it sounds, you cut the people from your life who continue to abuse you and make you miserable. You build on all the positive relationships in your life and you make new ones. You set boundaries for yourself and your family and stick to them. I’ve distanced myself from close family members and as painful as it is there’s been a huge weight lifted. Do you have a contact order in place for when he sees the children? It’s important that there’s something in place so he can’t mess you about. He knows getting your family on his side will hurt you. That’s why he does it.
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When you are surrounded by these people it’s hard not to let it in and be effected and sometimes be left feeling is it me. No it is not you, it’s just this is a wearing postion you have found yourself born into.
There are decent, caring folk out there, you’ve just got to find them and remove yourself from this abuse and dysfunction – those you have to keep in touch with keep them at arms length – in fact not even arms length, use a blood barge pole! And cut ties with the rest – put them out!
It is not unusual for people like us to grow up in a dysfunctional family to then go on to meet friends and partners also from dysfunctional families – the key here is to recognise this and only be with those who are kind and compassionate, who get you, respect you and make you smile x
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