I want to tell him to leave.. but I'm scared

[Woollymammal]

I don’t want to leave again.. I’ve done most things in this house and I think in a way that’s why I came back each time. It’s my home.. I might not be able to stay because it’s 3 bedrooms..
How do I muster up the courage to tell him to go?

X*x

[Lisa]

Hi Woollymammal,

Thank you for posting. I hope it is helping to reach out for support on here.

Do you still have support from your local support group? Can they help with a safety plan to help you stay in your own home and have him removed? If you haven’t already then you might want to contact Rights of Women and the National Centre for Domestic Violence with regards to legal advice and an injunction. Asking him to leave can be unpredictable, if you feel at risk at any time then please do contact the police for assistance.

Take care and please do keep posting to us when you can.

Lisa

[Woollymammal]

Hi Lisa..
Thank you for your reply, my support group was just a 12 wk course.. a new course starts next wk for self esteem.. my support worker from WA is coming to an end which worries me.. I got through to WA helpline yesterday and they were lovely and gave me some numbers to call too..Ita such a scary and lonely journey.. I was such a strongwomen..I am a quivering wreck now.. It’s amazing and sad how a person who’s supposed to love you can be so cruel.. I think after all the trauma of my daughter being killed , losing our home just after has made such an impact on my brain… even after what he’s done and still doing I still feel bad to do anything.. I can’t understand why? At 1 point I would never have stood for anything like this.. so why is it so hard to do anything?

Xx

[Woollymammal]

Well I’ve finally had enough.. warning me off yesterday amongst other things… my mind is at its lowest and I can’t take anymore.. I’ve been reading a book about understanding abuse and I’ve highlighted so much.. it seems because of their.emotional abuse you constantly question is it you or them.. having this book at hand makes me realise it’s him or my sanity.. I’m going to tell him to go (Detail removed by moderator).. get the locks changed and he’ll have to get his other stuff when it suits me..
I hope I can do it… I feel so ill in my head right now ..

Xx

[Lisa]

Hi Woollymammal,

I wanted to show you support today and to echo what I suggested previously about a safety plan with help from professionals. It is great to hear you spoke to the 24hr National Domestic Violence Helpline and you still have some support from your local group for the time being. Please do lean on the support around you and contact the police for advice or if you feel at risk at any time. Ending an abusive relationship can be dangerous and unpredictable, well done for reaching out for support.

Please do let us know how you are when you can.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Woollymammal]

Well I plucked the courage up.. took my dog to my mom’s with me… I felt sick but I sent a text to say I wanted him to leave.. the police new and my counsellor was worried.. well he took a few clothes, coming bk for the rest when I’m not here… He’s being so calm about it.. texting me about being friends and about how his van got a problem…said he still loved me and knew I wasn’t happy…
Now I feel even more confused, thinking was it abuse… even my daughter said if your not happy mom.. as if it’s a normal marriage..
I just want someone in my family to say.. thank God your out of that abuse… it’s like there all angry with me and he’s the one there sorry for..

Xx

[Lisa]

Hi Woollymammal,

You are so brave for leaving. You know better than anyone what you have been through. He will be saying all of the right things to get you back into the relationship. I’m sorry to hear that your family isn’t completely supportive. Perpetrators are very good at playing the victim and making people feel sorry for them.

Are you being supported by a local domestic abuse service? It may help to speak to someone who understands the dynamics of abuse.

Remember how brave you have been. Take care and keep posting.

Best Wishes,

Lisa

[Woollymammal]

Hi Lisa.. . I didn’t leave this time.. I told him to leave.. I did have a support worker from WA but my 6 months finished 2 weeks ago..He has still got to collect more of his stuff.. he text to say he was coming when I was out today.. then this morning he asked if he could come later.. trouble is because we be got a joint bank account there’s still bills to pay and until I get things sorted I’ve got no money.. although my pip and esa has been spent on bills and rent last few years…

Just feeling lost and my heart hurts..

Xx

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