- This topic has 8 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 7 months ago by
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It’s not your fault. Abuse makes us extremely vulnerable. The only way forward is total zero contact. Block his number. Delete contact details and start from today zero contact. We are so dependent on them for our self worth and self esteem. Being close to them gives us that temporary fix. But it’s only temporary. Have a think about no contact x it’s difficult to begin with but really it’s the only way to break that bond x
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No contact is so hard. He doesn’t see that he is abusive. The drunken episodes he barely remembers and I triggered him. He would be so upset after yesterday I raised his hopes. I just feel so bad. Also when I block his texts I can still read them and he doesn’t know that I’ve blocked them – and I just can’t bring myself to ignore him.
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Hi there,
Please don’t be hard on yourself. Abuse is about power and control and he knows exactly what he is doing. As others have mentioned it is hard to break away. You do not trigger him and you are not responsible for his behaviour in any way.
You feel bad and don’t want to ignore him. You are a good person but he is taking advantage of this. No contact is really hard but is important for your safety.
Best Wishes
Lisa
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They very rarely admit that they have the problem. And you were not responsible for his behaviour – that is his to own.
I really understand the confusion you’re experiencing. It is normal – even a non abusive relationship goes through this stage when two people that loved each other separate; but for us there is the reality that we left for our safety whether physically or mentally (often both). We just have to remind ourselves of why we had to leave.
Yesterday I spent the day sobbing my heart out because I miss him, I know he misses me but it just part of the awful process of healing and letting go.
Be really gentle on yourself, read lots of posts ,(they’ll remind you why you left).
Sending hugs xxxx
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Thank you all of you. He’s just sent me a text saying how happy he is after yesterday and he hopes I’ll stay over next time. Also he hopes I have a really great day. Doesn’t seem bad to me. But I’m determined in my head not to go back. I start a new job tomorrow so I just can’t deal with the worry of ignoring him and the texts I’d get from him. (even if I block him I know I’d be compelled to read the ‘blocked content’). Is that being gentle on myself, for now? Because I can only cope with fobbing him off at the moment. I don’t ever have to go back now. And I will have to tell him that sometime, then
I will have to do No Contact.I know I will. Oh my word this is so so hard.
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