I went back now I'm pregnant

[Whenwillifindhappiness]

I stupidly stupidly got back with him and fell pregnant within weeks, complelty unplanned. (detail removed by Moderator) he was arrested on (detail removed by Moderator) and I have now finally realised he will never ever change. It was my birthday (detail removed by Moderator) and we went out for a meal (detail removed by Moderator) night, he done some cocaine before we ate and I confronted him he said its either that or I’m asleep by 7. He was very obnoxious, cocky, Jack the lad that night because he was splashing his cash, organised for my hair to be done the next day and make up (detail removed by Moderator). He embarassed me in front of friends and when I got home I went straight to bed. He stayed up drinking and doing coke. Next morning came downstairs and he was crashed out porn on telly so I looked through his phone and I found a message he sent to a girl of sexual content. I confronted him and the rest is history. I phoned police and he (detail removed by Moderator) but its all my fault and I’m completely to blame, apparently I messaged the girl at (detail removed by Moderator) in the morning to cause a row. I’ve stopped contact with my son and his bail conditions are to stay away which he has. Unfortunately though he hasn’t given me a wany money for rent or bills and now I’m so skint and awaiting benefit approvel. His mum is collecting his stuff (detail removed by Moderator) and I noticed a xmas card for one oof his sons from a previous relationship, I opened it and £ (detail removed by Moderator) was in there, shall I keep this or not? I’m panicking about losing my home as I’m in arrears of over a (detail removed by Moderator) due to his drug habit. I’m so stressed out and scared. Why did I get back with him why? Now another innocent baby has to grow up in this toxic environment. Hate myself

[Suntree]

Don’t hate yourself.
Do you have anywhere to go if you can’t stay where you are? I know it is scary but is there anywhere you can go?
Just until you can get yourself on your feet?
I had another we can’t give you your child maintenance money letter again… I don’t rely on it at all.

You need to find a way now of supporting you and your unborn child in an environment that isn’t toxic. And you will find away.

The first thing you need to do is to forgive yourself

[Positiveandlookingahead]

None of this is your fault it’s all his. He is the one who chooses to behave in this way he’s the one who chooses to take drugs not you. It’s not easy to walk away you do genuinely believe them when they behave loving towards you as they show you moments of change and then they switch back to being abusive and vile. Please speak to rights of women and the helpline about the options available with you they will be able to help. The person who is to blame here is the one who refuses to acknowledge it! You do not want your children being around such a disgusting vile person who takes drugs! Keep posting we are here for you xxxx

[Whenwillifindhappiness]

Thank you.
I just really don’t understand how he can still blame it all on me. He was telling police I did all this I messaged the girl etc he is also saying that I strangled him and wants me prosecuted for that. I recorded him when he kicked off and he threatened to kill me which I have on video. I am scared if it goes to trial cos I know he will never admit what he done. I have solicitors today hoping it will calm me down. I had private scan last night it was amazing and I heard nothing, not that I want to but I thought at least he would ask his sister to ask me if everything is OK. Especially the week I’ve had as also my grandad died (detail removed by moderator). My head is all over the place. Surprised I’m still going if I’m honest

[Whenwillifindhappiness]

Just went for family meal in my local pub and he turned up completely off his face. Was asked to leave but refused then he did eventually. Shall I tell police or not? I’m home now and I’m really scared he’s going to turn up he shouldn’t do but he’s was steaming at 6.30 and his jaw was gurning so def on drugs too. I’ve locked my doors and let neighbours know to call police of he turns up. Just feeling really vulnerable and scared at the moment

[Lisa]

Hi Whenwillifindhappiness,

Just a little one to say yes, I think it would be a great idea to phone the police and ask if they can come out and see you. Please also phone the National Domestic Violence Helpline as soon as you can to get some advice and support. They are open all the time and it’s a freephone number 0808 2000 247.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Form Moderator

[Whenwillifindhappiness]

I rang the national helpline and they have made me feel loads better thank you lisa. He be stupid to come here but if he does I’m phoning 999 straight away

[Author]

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