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I was speaking with someone close to me about what happened in the relationship I had with my ex partner for over (detail removed by Moderator). She said, ‘I would never allow someone to mistreat me’.
I thought the same thing before I got into that relationship.
Makes me wonder how I stayed for so long?
Do they exploit our kindness and forgiveness? Is it also by the way they gaslight us?
Whatever the case is, the comment made me sad. -
Speaking for myself I used to have the same view before I met my now husband, I used to be amazed at women who had suffered from abuse at the end and of their partners, and often why they stayed for so long! Little did I know… and it makes me sad too. I am still with him and have been over (detail removed by Moderator) too. Until recently I didn’t even know I was been abused( imagine that!)i was just confused all the time and blame myself for most of it. I guess in my head the reason why i am still with him is the usual BS we tell ourselves i.e the kids.
Good for you for leaving though -
It makes me so mad when people say that. These men prey on whatever vulnerability and positive quality they can. When people say that it feels to me like they are victim blaming. We don’t choose an abusive partner. It’s so easy for people to say I wouldn’t do this or that, or “allow” this or that. Often by the time the abuse is apparent we are trapped on many levels making it so hard to leave/end the relationship.
For me it was a drip drip drip effect and before I truly saw what was happening I was living with my abuser with my child, entwined in lots of ways and it took time to get out. Every time he called me names/shouted/swore I felt enraged. But then for me I had to think through every possible way to get out and at times he totally wore me down. These men create so much drama you can’t think about much else. They chip away at confidence and often disguise it as well meaning concern/support. Domestic abuse is everywhere in every part of society xx -
@Hetty SO true – your last bit about the drama stopping you from thinking about anything else. And chipping away at our confidence, that’s what happened to me too. Drip drip drip. You’re right. It is everywhere, SO many people have come out to me, just last week I was asked by friends of friends to give advice on the best way to get out. x
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